I should also mention I have upgraded this blog for £25.00 which means I can do all kinds of things now! Well worth it, am tres impressed!!

Just bee shopping with Jimbob! Bought some TCP as my gum is still a bit dodgy where someone rammed a bottle in my face..
xx

Why do people assume that I am easy. My friends headpiece broke last night so I ended up left in the club on my own. I was there about 30 minutes and the amount of idiots that came up to me and thought they could take an easy claim to my life was unreal. For the record, I am not a slag and since me and my Richard split up, I have not been with another man. (I know! I surprise myself too!!) So if you are reading this Mr Policeman, Mr NHS man or Mr Club Barman then move along to the next pair of pants cos u aint gettin in these!!!!

Ill attach some photos of Andy very shortly... Think I got some good ones!!
xxx
xx
x

I cannot seem to get this shopping malarky right. It is pay day today (yayy) and I went shopping to get a new top for tomorrow after going to the gym and sweating my bitch tits off... I went into my usual fave shop and picked up a red checked number that i *thought* I had tried on previously but was too big.. I remember that it was 40 pound so when I saw it was in my size, I thought, "ooh, why not!!?" I stalked up to the checkout man (Who was as gorgeous and charming as ever) and gave him my shirt, but while he was waffling away telling me how wonderful my purchase was, i saw a nice shirt in the corner of my eye.. In fact, no.. Was it?! Yes, the shirt I had tried on the previous week.. I ran over and looked and they still didnt have my size and so i thought I would settle for the lookalike.. "and thatsss... £72.00 please mate.." Say what?!?! Pardon!? This here shirt is 72 english pounds.. does it come with built in arse wiper?!? I had not even looked at the price and so was instantly filled with that all too familiar feeling of dread. However, as I have mentioned before, once you are at the checkout, there is no going back, so i smiled through gritted teeth and dragged myself out of the shop.. He did give me 10% off again though I suppose..

Im off out tonight with Andy my friend.. He is dressing up so I will attach photos just as soon as I get them..

xx

So, this is about as bad as it will get (I hope).. Im not shy, and Im willing to share it with you when I am naughty and dont stick to my diet. I have weighed myself this morning and have put on 3 pound since last week. Of course, I am not to blame for this atrocity. I totally blame Neil and Matthew for severe over feeding during the last week!! I tried to struggle as they forced my mouth open and tipped a chinese into it on Wednesday, I fought as they dragged me to weatherspoons for curry night last night, and I positively struggled as they forced me to eat a kitkat chunky peanut butter after every meal I ate! You see, it is positively obvious that I am not at fault here!

I am so glad that it is nearly the weekend! I am out tonight and tomorrow with my friends and am really looking forward to it although I have not a thing to wear! With my new found 3 pound, I am obviously too fat to wear anything that is in my wardrobe and so shall go out and purchase an extra large number to parade about in until the poundage goes back into the fat club in the sky!!

I have spent a bit of time around the street that I should be moving to and it doesnt seem too bad although it gets a lot of kids hanging around on the street corners etc.. There also seems to be a shellsuit rampage around the time when school finishes.. The mothers, not the children.. It seems that it is fashionable to also wear the "pineapple" on top of ones head when living in the street that I am moving to...

Im not sure I know what I have let myself in for... Chav ahoy!!!

Laters xxxxx

Tonight I was mortified... Among my many google searches yesterday, I had asked the following questions:-

What makes someone common?  Is it the way that they speak? The clothes they wear? The way that they do their hair? The job that they have?  More to the point, what makes someone posh?  Is there a wage cut off where you go from common to working class or working class to upper class?  

  Does it count if I swear over text or email!?  x
  

Only a quick one! I rang and finally got to speak to my counsellor housing agent and she says that I should be all moved out in 5 weeks as long as the electric and gas checks go through A ok.. is this where I tell them that I have had an electric shower installed and ripped off a storage heater and the the vile council fire in the living room????

This could be trickier than I thought...

xxx

I thought that when I became single, I was meant to be perturbed and lose about 5 pound..?!  No such luck!  Why am I always the one to put weight on?! While my ex is probably losing a stone a week and looking fabber by the day, I am filling my face with a different take away every day and then binge drinking at the weekends! Oh well, gymming it tonight, and of course, beans on toast for tea... And if i even manage one of them then I will be chufffed as chips! (ooh, chips!!!)

Laters xxxxxx
 

I am so excited that I could piss.. Right here, right now. But I wont, cos Im good like that.  I have heard from the girl who is swapping houses and our move has been accepted!  I was told that it probably wouldnt go through so I wasnt holding out much hope. How good is that?!  It almost makes all of the texts she keeps sending me telling me shes horny worth it! (not quite though..I dont wanna know these details off guys so I certainly dont wanna hear it from a gal!!) I have her several times that I am gay so I dont know why she continues to share the activity of her sex drive with me.  Im unsure of what she is getting in her but it certainly will not be me!  However, I am going to continue to be my normal charming self as I do not want anything to jeopardise my move!  I may even put my tongue in her ear if she starts getting doubtful about the move!

xxxx

Lets say you were been held hostage and had to spend a year from home with only the basic neccessities to keep you going (food, drink..) but could take 3 items with you. What would you take? I had to have a good think about this one but I came up with the following:-

My Laptop - Wherever I was been held hostage would obviously need to have wireless connectivity or this would simply not work.  This would also hold all of my photos of my family and friends and all of my music that I could listen to when I was bored. I would be able to do all of my shopping online. Noone said anything about not been able to ship goods in once I was at my newly found retreat!  The place I was been held hostage would surely have an address that they could deliver to so I would order everything from clothes and aftershave to Dominoes pizza online! (they will deliver to most places u know!)

My bank card:- To pay for purchases online...

Ta daaaa!!!!  Same question to you lot?!!  What would you take with you?!  

I hate it when I have to work at the weekend. I dont feel like I have had a break at all!  To make matters worse, my one day where I should be having a lie in, I always somehow manage to wake up at 8am after going to bed at 4am the morning before!!  In my defence, I did manage to get my head down for a quick half hour yesterday afternoon but I really feel like I could do with a good sleeping session!

  I have seen another "rolling stones" top that I really want to buy.  I already have two of them (a yellow one with multi coloured lips.. and a black one with red and silver lips..).. The one I have seen is black with just silver lips and it looks rather blingy!!! I love spangly tops!  For those of you who havent a clue what I am talking about, I will attach two images very shortly!

  This diet is starting today. I have eaten like a fat betch all weekend and so its time to crackle down and stop eating all of the pies. I have had an apple so far today and have porridge with skimmed milk for my lunch.. I feel like Oliver Twist..

Laters Taters.. x

If there is one thing that I could not live without (apart from air) then it would be music.  Music has the power to make us feel all kinds of emotions.  I cannot count the number of nights that I have gone out to a bar and have felt miserable and have not been in the mood to be there.  Then someone plays MY song and all of a sudden I start tapping my foot and get the "budgie head" followed by "jazz hands" and finally the "loose legs" Unfortunately a combination of all three involves me dancing like my dad. If you do not know what dads dance like then have a good look at yours the next time you go out.  It must be a 70's thing but I seem to have inherited it along with all of his other little traits such as the drunken slur and the laugh!   Went off the trail there didnt I!? Alls that I am saying is that I think music is brill.. It has the power to bring on almost any emotion.. Happiness, sadness, anger, confusion etc... So come on, whats your favourite song?? Me? I have loads, but there is a song by Selena called Dreaming of you that means a lot to me. I also like Jesse Paints a Picture but I am never quite sure who sings it.. It seems to be the sloppy ones that I love most unless its sang by Mika (who is still going to confess undying love any day now!)

  Going out tonight..  Have not got a clue what to wear.. I really want to wear exactly the same as I wore last week but am told it is not good practise to wear the same clothes for two weeks in a row.. Im still not loving the top I wore a week before so I think its going to be a shirt.. So, cream flowery one or brown one?!  I need answers!!! Im sooooo going shopping on pay day!! :-(
xxx

I know that I have posted already today but I have decided that today is going to be a new start for me. Im going to give myself one severe dose of "STOP WHINING" tablets and I am no longer going to dwell on the past but am going to look to the future and all of the good things that it holds for me.. (Yes, I know Im deluded!)

• Dance like noone is watching 
  
• Love like you have never been hurt
• Live each day as if it is your last..

xxx

I have a MySpace profile and I have finally managed to customise it.. Have a slight problem with the interests part of it not showing up but I aim to sort that in the next few days! Check it out.. www.myspace.com/ultrazonixe ... I only have about 3 friends at the moment so feel free to add me! 

xxx
  

I went to hand the papers in for the house swap yesterday. I was told that because the girl that is wanting to swap with me has got a house with two kids, it is highly unlikely that she will be granted a third floor maisonnette. However, they seem to think it fine to shove a girl with a baby next door but one to me and shove another girl with a baby underneath me.  I think Im gonna end up writing them a shitty letter.. Ill probably get evicted for it but it will make me feel better in the short term!

I am feeling much better this morning. I should really apologise to anyone that I shouted at, pissed off, or spat at yesterday. I was not feeling myself at all!  Luckily, before I reached for the butter knife  razor blade to cut my wrists with and vitamin C Paracetamol tablets to overdose on, Mr P came to the rescue and not only cheered me up, but actually made me crack a bit of a giggle! Hes a cheeky bugger but it seemed to do the job!  I have decided that I shouldnt keep blowing him off (Pardon the pun) and am going to see him after work tonight. After all, you can never have enough friends! 

Laters xx

Today has not been a good day. To make myself crystal clear, its been a pile of smelly, steaming shite. 

Now that I am single, I have a chance to act out my life long dream of doing an "anna nicole" By this I dont mean getting my tits out and lesbianing it around the play boy mansion, I mean marrying an old rich boi and waiting for him to quack it before living in the life of luxury forever more...  I wish I could do that you know... But its about love, and if you dont love the person that you are with, then no amount of money can compensate for the empty feeling inside...

Laters xxx

Me and Richard have been getting on so much better since we split up.. See extract from the loving email I sent him just a few minutes ago...

Richard,

I needed to send u a message.. I had something i needed to tell you..

"fuck off and die.."

That is all. x

Notice how I needed to send the message to him and even though I do tell him to "fuck off and die," how there is a kiss on the end...

Before long Im going to be serenading him underneath starlight...This could be the start of something big!

On Wednesday I went out to have a cappucino with a friend of mine. When I arrived, he paid for the drink, thus starting the cogs going in my head. I wondered what little treat I could spend the £3.00 that I had saved on...

£320.00 later...

I just dont know what happened. One minute I am standing there browsing tanning gels in boots, and the next it was as if the shopaholic fairy bopped me on the head with her magic wand...

I started off really well by thinking that I needed a casual top and so thought I would call in Burton, buying a hoodie that I really liked. (£25.00.. Bargain!) I also saw a t shirt that I liked but didnt buy because it was £15.00 and I couldnt afford it (you see how I start with good intentions!)... I then "popped" in a shop where I usually get my "spesh" tops from to see if there was anything on offer that I could get for my Saturday night out on the tiles..(im on a budget you see..) There wasnt much on offer, but everything else in the shop was absolutely beautiful. I started trying on tops and got to one that I particulary liked, and then saw jeans that I thought would go lovely with the top I had chosen... which then, obviously needed a trendy coat to go with them (Ive needed a nice coat for ages though!).. and the shoes.. Gorra have the shoes!! I admiteddly nearly caved in when I asked after a particular belt accessory and the gentleman told me that it was £55.00. I think he saw me visably choke on the free minto that they had given me and because of this, it meant that I hadto buy the belt in question.. wouldnt want them to think I couldnt afford it now would we?!

The good news about all of this is that I now have a full outfit for a night out tonight.. The bad news is that I have spent the rest of my wages and so the closest I can get to partying will be to buy a can of white lightning and sitting watching casualty with my mother!! I am pleased with my purchases, tho if one more person tells me how many tops I could have bought from "pri-mark" with the money Ive spent, they are going to get a kick in the knackers!

Laters xx

So, I have finally migrated from blogspot to www.blog.co.uk. I have got to say that I am liking the look of it here at the moment! Lots of new features to play with! Look, I can do this... Yayyy!!

I always used to enjoy blogging. I wrote at first just so that I could look back on events and historical moments (I did WHAT to my hair?!) over what has now become the past 3 years. After a while though you start wanting other people to read it, and you have to hope that they like what they read. Its like a granny with one of her new concoctions that she has whipped up wanting you to taste it to see if it tingles your taste buds or poisons you to death. I know that a lot of my blog is meaningless waffle, but its my waffle and I used to enjoy writing it. Can you tell that feedback so far has not been too good?? This brings me on to a rant Ive been meaning to have for a while now....

I loved my blogs. They were great, until someone I didnt want to get hold of it read it. That was my problem before ya see. My ex boyfriend (A nice ex not a nasty ex...) had a bunch of friends who read my blog. I became aware of this and it became so hard to say what I wanted to say..I found that this particular group of friends did not have the same sense of humour that I did and so ended up censoring everything down so that in the end, my blog became a place of "really really really really useless boring drivel" compared to the plain old "useless drivel" that it was before. It lost its excitement for me and got very boring and repetitive. More than anything, I stopped enjoying writing it and so blogging got less and less frequent. I found that even through some severe editing, I mortally offended one of my ex's (Richard) friends, just by trying to be myself. A spot of advise to anyone reading this, if you do not like what you are reading, then close the window now and dont look back..dont insult me by reading this and taking the piss behind my back. Ive never claimed to be an aspiring author and this blogging business is not as easy as it looks you know!!

RANT OVER....

Oh yeah, a couple of things I need to mention.. Im a boy, and I like boys...I dont know quite how it happened. I think it was something to do with my mother shoving me in my sisters nightie for 3 years when I was about 4 years old. I loved that fecking nightie! I live with my mum in a flat but we are hoping that very shortly we will be moving into a big proper real house. There will be a house warming party if that ever happens! I have an excellent family who I will, no doubt talk about lots on here so to give you an idea, here is a run down of people you may hear me mention;-

Mummy kazduck:- Funnily enough, she gave birth to me.. Im sure there are days where she wishes she hadnt but shes stuck with me now! Drinks:- Cider
Bev:- Bev is my sister and we are more best friends than brother and sister.. Who would have thought that when we were kids, we used to try and suffocate the other with pillows!? Drinks :- half a lager if been polite, a pint if not..
Quin:- Bevs other half, nice bloke..doesnt speak much unless pissed. Drinks:- Blue WKD
Jaya:- Bev and Quins daughter and my neice. I was there at the birth and she holds a special place in ma heart.. Drinks:- Guiness and J20
Daddy Keithams:- My double when im 70... hehehe.. nah, he is still young, cool, suarve, sophisticated...etc etc etc. Drinks:- Guiness, whiskey
Mummy Julie:- The not so evil step mother. Even mummy kazduck likes her! Drinks:- Vodka.. Bottles of the feckin stuff.. on a daily basis.. comes with living with keithams I reckon

Richard:- The nicest ex ive ever had and the most laid back person ive ever met. This probably explains why he put up with me so long. Drinks:- Blue WKD
Stacey (aka Broad):- One of my best friends and drinking partners.. Regulary found asleep in a bath or camping in sleeping bag next to toilet with sick up her face. Can talk to her about anything. Drinks:- vodka lime and lemonade.
Neil and Matt:- Another couple very close friends who cook for me on a regular basis. They insist that although they poison me regulary, they dont mean to do it! Drinks:- any ale

Im sure I will add more as I go but that will do you for my first entry! Speak to you soon..

Laters
xx