This morning I was awoken by Dame Kazduck at 6.05am.. I was due into work at 6am. For some reason Andrews alarm had not gone off. Usually I would be running around in an absolute panic, and yet today I woke up in ever such a good mood. I rang in work and told them I was going to be a little late and then started getting ready. Poor Andrew though looked like he had been hit by a train. Even when we got in the car to leave he looked ill. I do hope he is ok. I think Ill send him a text. *tap tap tap tap* ok, now thats done, Ive been nosing on another blog and have found the below little questionnaire. I quite liked it so thought I would fill it in! Im going to start doing a few more of these because I dont have a very interesting life and so havent got much to say lately!

I am seeing Jasey tonight (you know? The lovely nutcase that leaves me comments longer than my blog?) and we are going to do a spot of shopping followed by a spot of dinner (tho when I suggested a healthier lunch and he suggested having a jacket potato I told him he could ram it up his cake hole..U see how I treat people who try to help me!?) and then a spot of sleeping! The perfect night!

Ok, eres this questionairre thing...

The last thing I bought = A yorkie (It jumped into my mouth)
The last program I watched = Big Brother
The last thing I listened to = I wanna know what love is - Foreigner - Its mine and Drews song... :-)
The last place I went to = Coventry
The last person I saw = Andrew when he dropped me off at work.
The last thing I ate = Some cheese snackerjacks for my breakky
The last thing I drank = A toffee options
The last book I read = FHM magazine (How butch am I?!!?)

Can I also just ask my fellow blogees opinions please?? I am going to be having a black pug dog. Its the ideal breed of doggy for me as me and my ex had one named Toula. Unfortunately when we split up, he got the dog. They are beautiful and I thought I wanted a boy named Bazza. Unfortunately, I have since realised that:-

A.) Andrews dads named Barry but they nickname him Baz and Bazza...
B.) I dont like the look of the Pug Boys as they look a bit nasty so am thinking I may be having a girl.. We discussed calling her Bazzah (with a H) instead.

Should I call her something pretty like princess twinkle toes or trixybelle or summink?? What dost thou thinketh!?!?

Big Brother starts tonight. I am not an avid viewer but if I watch the contestants going into the house then will probably see the series through to the end. The only thing that concerns me is that after the whole hoo har with Jade Goody and Shilpa Shetty, (I was so tempted to type Shilpa Poppadom but thought I better refrain incase racism allegations are thrown my way..) they may choose boring contestants and we could end up with a series like the one in which Cameron won.. I actually knew it was series 4 but googled to check.. I suppose that proves that I am a bit of a fan doesnt it?!

I saw this on someone elses blog and thought I would play the game:-

10 things you may not know about me...

My middle name is John

Laterz
xx

Sorry for no posting this weekend. I have been in Coventry for most of it and so have not had access to the land of blogging!  I have been up to quite a few bits and bobs this weekend. I finally got to meet the rest of Andrews friends and, I have got to say, they are really (really really really really) nice and we had such a laugh and joke!  The photos above are my new top I bought for pride and Andrews best friend Richard with a mate Lisa on the night out. There was also a guy named Dan who came out and he was also a laugh a minute.. All in all a really great night and we got to see Liberty X on the night they split up! (Found that out yesterday!) Obviously having to play for gays was the final straw for them! 

  Sunday night, we watched a film called the Skeleton Key.  It was on the recommendation of Beverley Anne and I am not 100% sure that I will ever be able to forgive her for it. This is because this film has now been playing on my mind for two nights running. To be honest, I found it a bit like you were waiting for something to happen all the way through it but it has one of the best endings that I have seen in a film.  Its one of them where you aer hmm'ing and ahh'ing all the way through cos your never quite sure whats going on but then at the end everything makes sense.  The ending played on my mind on Sunday night that I actually woke up and had a look on the DVD to see if there was an alternative ending that I could watch to make myself feel better! The film may not have the same effect on you.. After all, you are speaking to someone who had nightmares for nearly a week after watching the newer version of "the texas chainsaw massacre..."  I dont do scary/psychological movies well. Think in future ill stick to Shrek. Hehehe!  Oh, another thing... We watched "happy feet." What a crock of shit that was! How come its always the ones with the all star cast that are rubbish..  Around half way through I almost suggested turning it off it was that bad but I prayed that it would get better.. It didnt.. However, the baby penguins were very cute and we will hold on to that memory!!

  Laterz xxx

Once a month, on payday, we have "Dressing Down Day." Throughout the company, we all pay a pound for a worthwhile charity (No, not the Bazzah fund which is a fund I have going to buy a little black Pug named Bazzah though I think its going to be a girl..) and come into work looking like we are ready for a night out on the tiles.. After all, its the one day of the month where people can see how trendy, suarve and fashion iconic we are.. Or at least thats how it used to be when I worked in customer services. However, in IT, they all come into work wearing lesbian fleeces or a plain t-shirt that has surfaced for the last 400 dressing down days...But i cant do that y'see..

I think my glittery *number* offended many of them...

They gawped as I walked through in my top. It isnt loud as such. It is grey and has a green motif on it with a bit of pink and then some sparkly bits dotted here and there.. Ill post a photo of it shortly! But, the hoo har it caused in the IT department was ridiculous. People constantly making clever comments about it. I counted 5 before I stopped listening. I just replied to every comment with the same answer which was "I know, isnt it lovely.." to which they looked a little bit surprised..I started to worry until I walked through customer services and got stopped by someone who said that they really liked my t shirt and then when I was walking over the crossings a director stopped in her car and told me how much she liked it.. Fair enough, she had very nearly run me over and was probably trying to butter me up but the thought was there!!

I must admit that I hate working with the kind of people I do in IT. Its fair enough to say that most of these people really know their techy stuff but when it comes to communicating with someone and it doesnt involve email, they really struggle. There are also a collection of some of the most ignorannt, rudest baboons, I have ever had to speak to amongst them.. A few are nice and they know who they are but the nasties compensate ten times over. Ive planned what Im going to say when I finally get to leave the place (you always have to give the obligatory leaving speech..) Its going to go something like...

"Listen, I know most of you dunna like me.. and I dont give a toss, cos Ive never really liked you either...but ya know.. Cheers for the pressie.." (theyre forced to give towards a collection when someone leaves..)

I may need a stiff drink before I can pluck up the courage to say it but I think it could actually be do-able!

And now for the bad news.. The lump in Dame Kazducks(I call her mum) belly that has given us all sleepless nights will unfortunately go on causing a bit of a stir. In fact, the doctor who examined her will also possibly have some sleepless nights. This will be due to him waking up at random intervals in hysterics thinking about the loopy people he gets going into his surgery..

The lump?? It was a muscle...

No, Im not joking.. Her lump, that had worried her and kept her awake for weeks, was indeed a stomach muscle. Dame Kazduck has been losing weight steadily and has gained muscles!

You can imagine the doctor at home tonight telling his family..

"yeah, had this right plonker come in today..."

Today, a muscle.. tomorrow, Miss Universe!!

Hoorah!!

So there u go...

xx

It now means im 11 stone 9.5

Well, I have never been so outraged in all of my life! Somehow I have managed to put on another 2 pound this week. After weighing in this morning I didnt know whether to throw the scales or myself through the window first! I thought I had done really well this week but obviously not as well as I had hoped. However, I am not panicking just yet as I have been going to the gym for the last couple of days and I am starting to get that urge to go a bit more regular again.. So maybe (just maybe) I will make it more than a couple of times a month over the next few weeks..

I dont want to have a six pack as Ive always liked having a little bit of a belly.. What I would like is just a nicely "defined" body that is not offensive for people to have to look at when I am on holiday. If this means slogging myself in the gym every day until my holiday (except saturdays and sundays) then its something that I am going to do..(Oooh I sounded as if I meant that didnt I!?) However (there is always a however isnt there) I dont think the healthy eating craze is going to catch on.. Ive had beans on bloody toast every day all of this week and it doesnt seem to have done much good anyway!

I also have an illuminous pink shirt that I need to get my booty into in 2 weeks time for Bevs hen night.. I can do "tight fit" but i dont expect for a gang of six people to have to shoe-horn me into the bloody thing!

Laters
xx

Can you smell the fear??

Actually it went quite well, apart from him hitting a nerve and me nearly hitting the ceiling.. He injected me with more anesthetic (cant spell it) and I was absolutely hunky dorey! When he was finished they asked me to take a drink of water which I slobbered all down my bib.. This was not my finest moment and I am only glad that Andrew was not there holding my hand otherwise I think I would now be single I feel fine now but look like Ive had a stroke when Im smiling at people.. Ill take the rough with the smooth though!! :-)

I have the wedding blues, and its not even me thats getting married. There is a reason for this...Its the groom.. Cant stand him.. Only kidding!

Let me try and explain... Me and my sister Beverley Anne are close... Just about as close as a brother and sister can get. (you know the type, u offend her, u offend me.. u punch her, I kick your head in..) So you can imagine how I felt to hear that not only does my sisters father-in-law-to-be owe them £300.00 towards the deposit for his holiday to her wedding, but he isnt actually coming on the holiday either!! Not only that but he has waited until this late in the day to tell anyone and says it is because he cant afford. He has not mentioned the deposit at all. Just to clarify, the grooms sister has had to get a part time job and her fiance has had to work every single weekend to save money for the holiday.. The grooms mother has had to re-mortgage her bloody house to afford to come to the wedding...they would not have missed it for the world, and yet the grooms father has said that he cant afford £1150.00 for a holiday to see his son get married. Between you and me (cos I know u wont tell anyone- we are friends after all..) he registered that he was living at my sisters at one point and so they get some of his mail still. Jaya (my neice) tends to rip up mail as it comes through the letter box and did it with one of his bank statements.. He has plenty of money.. and when I say plenty I mean a hell of a lot more than me!! He sold his house just over a year ago so you can imagine...

Its not that hes not coming anyway.. Every female coming on the holiday will sigh with relief as he is a total prick that tries to get into any breathing females pants when hes pissed. Its the fact that this prat owes them £300.00 that they really need at the moment and I am routing through my clothes drawers praying that I can find something else for my sister to flog on ebay so that she can get a bit of extra money towards her wedding. She would never ask me for stuff, i just do it... I try and help and I know my clothes tend to sell quite well for her plus I probably wouldnt wear it again anyway! (id give her money but I just genuinely cannot afford and havent got any credit cards that I can max out otherwise I would!)

Anyway, Im getting good at these rants.. Ill try to come and be a bit chirpier tomorrow!! :-)

Ok...The parcel through the door... it was a new top that I had forgot about. Its green.. I now have 4 green tops to take on holiday with me...

Woops a daisy!
xx
x

I dont know whats going on, but I am looking at shops on the internet and on ebay for clothes to wear when I go on holiday and everything is either pink or green. Today I have had to stop myself from buying two pink t shirts and a green one because they are the mirror of ones I already have.

Because I have nothing better to do today, I have had a quick google over different "mood colours" and what they mean:-

GREEN symbolises balance and harmony. Irradiating with green soothes and calms the entire nervous system. It helps against stress, tension, nervousness and insomnia. It restores tired nerves and is a nutrient for nerves. Green is the colour of balance and like blue one of nature's basic colours. People whose favourite colour is green tend to be modest,  well balanced and patient. Green relaxes the eyes and the whole body.

Pink. Symbolises: Romance and marriage.  It is calming, cute, soft and feminine.

xx

Again today, I had a really good blog idea.. And again, I have forgotten what it was. I really must start writing my little ideas down. However, there was something else I wanted to blog about and so all is not lost.

I often think about the poor folk that parade around fighting for gay rights etc..And I thought I would put my views to paper....or screen...if u get what I mean...(ooh that rhymes!)

I go out in town and I see same sex couples holding hands and kissing. Though its fair to say that there are a lot more lesbians playing this game than gay men, (as lesbians wont get the shit kicked out of them) its still something that I notice. You also get the few that stop just to snog each others faces off. This annoys me in the same way that it would if it was a man and a woman standing in the middle of town licking each others faces off. I think holding hands is fair enough and admittedly I would like to be able to do this in town, but there is a time and a place for anything else. Gay and lesbian citizenship/marriage has now been legalised and so what else is it that *we* are pushing for???

*Newsflash* There are always going to be people that dont like you just because you are gay or just because the colour of your skin.. Very much in the same way that there are always going to be people that dont like you because you wear certain kinds of clothes or you have your hair in a certain style. Some people are just wankers like that... But for Gods sake, get over it!! Instead of wasting time out on the street waving your big gay flag, how about you get a bloody life and instead of segregating yourself from the majority by constantly going on your silly equal rights marches, try and just live and let live!

Q:- Am I gay??
A:- Yes.
Q:- Would I like to hold my partners hand in public without fear of been gaybashed?
A:- Of course.
Q:- Am I going to waste half of my life fighting for that right?
A:- No way.
Q:- Do I need to hold hands with my partner in public to show off to anyone or to feel secure within my relationship?
A:-Nope.

I find it highly amusing that if I walk up to a straight club and ask to become a member, I am allowed straight away.. If they were to ever question otherwise because of my sexuality, there would be a media frenzy. However, when my straight friend, who used to come out with me every week, tried to make herself a member at a gay club that I go to, she was told that she couldnt because she was straight thus paying £1.00-£2.00 more than me or any other gay/lesbian/bisexual in the place on every visit. Talk about equal rights... Lets join all the *straights* up and go on a bloody march! That'd show em!! But seriously, talk about one rule for one and one for another...

Ive always said Im the most homophobic gay there is.. I think this proves it...but I happen to think Im right..

What do I want from life?? I want someone who loves me, Id quite like to get married (yes to a man..) and I want a little 3 bedroomed detached house with a conservatory and a couple of pets. Id like a partner who thinks the world of me and who does not think with his nob (very rare in gay land but I think ive found one..) Id like us to be comfy in our jobs and finances and be able to afford a holiday once a year. A few years from now, I would like to think that the "gay scene" and all the rumours, bitchiness and the crabby "around the old camp fire" song will be a distant memory..Oh, And I will only see the gay marches on the bloody telly! heheheh! You see tho, nothing too glamerous.. Leave me to my life and Ill leave you to yours, thats what I say!!

Oooh rant over... good en it was too!! LOL!! May have to edit this as am aware of bad english!!
xxxx

I have had sky installed and not only am I now getting a 15 meg line and not only are my pages all loading faster, but I have found that it makes me type quicker too! Magic! I also have a really really nice shiny router.. Its white and silver and looks so so pretty... OK, this is not bringing out my IT-E side at all is it...

I have been cruising the internet (not cruising in a dirty gay way) for some clothes for my hol.. Going to do a spot of shopping when Im paid!

I attempted writing a nice poem last night but it seems that I cant do it. I can only do a half decent one if I am full of negative energy.. I got about this far..

Andrew, u are great,
it feels it could be fate
ur better than a mate
cos your the guy I rate..

Ok, it wasnt quite that bad but it wasnt much better... Ill have another go tonight!

Me and Drew are going to birmingham pride this Saturday. Last year I managed to spend over £300.00 including the hotel so this year I am on a budget. No way, no how, can I afford to spend even half of that amount! Im a little nervous about meeting Andrews friends but I am sure that it will turn out alright on the night, (as long as I dont get paraletic and start flirting with posts again.) I have worked out that I am going to be the fat one among them as they are all 30 inch waist or less and I am 32.. I can either go on severe detox for the rest of the week or try and feed andrew an Indian or pizza take away every night followed by 4 family sized trifles so he is a porker by sat... ORRR failing that, I can just breathe in and try to stand next to people larger than myself to make me look slimmer... Woo hoo!

xxx

xx

Just because I neglected you all weekend, Im going to post just once more today..

This would be a really good idea...Except I have nothing to say..

Nope, nothing... Mental block all the way...This was pointless...

*ooh, a penny!*

xx

I saw a photo of Andrews ex yesterday. I know that Andy had seen photos of Richard my ex, so I had asked if he had any photos of his. It was strange to see a photo where Andrew was smiling with someone else. I had a good look at the photo, holding it this way and that and rotating it at various angles, zooming in and out on it and told Andrew of my conclusion...

"yep, you have had an upgrade duck.."

And if I do say so myself, So have I...

Very unusual for me to be cocky about something like that as my confidence is usually around zero but knowing what he put Andrew through made it a little easier for me to be a big headed poo.

I also wanted to mention that I really liked the photo of me and Andrew below. So much so, we waited around in the Tesco photo lab while they did 4 prints of it! Awww...

Muahahhaa!!!
xxx

I am officially poor..
 
  I hate the months when everything seems to come at once.. It seems to be getting more and more often nowadays.. I finally get a job that pays a half decent wage, and I get screwed over by everything else instead! Somehow in the payday month that is June I have got to pay for:-

My Wedding Outfit
Laptop contribution
Quintons 30th birthday present
Holiday spending money and toiletries and bits bits bits
Holiday insurance
My sore teef
My sisters wedding present

Ok ok ok... Lets cheapen this down a bit.. realistically of course! ...

Wedding outfit :- Go retro and make the groom look even better dressed! Abercrombie shorts and flip flops - already purchased...
Laptop contribution:- Go vintage and buy an abacus! - £3.00
Quintons 30th birthday present :- I could make him a trifle - Cost £5.00 ish
Holiday spending money and toiletries and bits bits bits  - Asda Smart price deoderant, aftershave and sun cream and some shorts from pri-mark - Cost £10.00
Holiday Insurance:- I could hope not to break a leg or catch the plague- Cost £0.00
My sore teeth - delay the appointment and risk poorly bad teeth all of the holiday - cost £0.00
My sisters wedding present - Get her a genuine horse shoe, cant get more authentic than that - Cost £0.00

Total :- £18.00  Money saved:- £800.00

Chances of my acting on the above financial arrangement - 0%
Chances of my needing to borrow money from Dame Kaz Duck - 80%
Chances that after this blog Im going to put my head in my hands and cry?- Imminent! 

 Right, Im off! Ill be in Coventry this weekend which may make it a little bit harder to post but Sunday evening there will be a blog waiting for you..

XxXxxXxxxXxxxxX
xXxXXxXXXxXXXXx

Went to the dentist this afternoon because Ive been having some trouble with a tooth.. I dont remember if I posted before but i was knocked accidentally and a bottle bashed me in my front tooth. Unfotunately, the damage was more than just a knock and they are wanting to do a root canal on the tooth. Not really too big a deal but it means that over time my tooth will go grey and that i will eventually have to have veneer. (never had one so dont know how you spell it..) Im not very happy with the whole thing so I think im going to wait until it gives me enough reason to want to go to the dentist and get it done. As for my other tooth, that ALSO needs a bloody root canal.. and because I want a white filling, its going to cost me the amount of a small country...

Im going to go before I swear... (F*%kin, B^&tard teeth!!!)

xxx

It has taken me 6 months to start messing with the features I have on my Sony Ericsson K800i but having finally done so, I have messed with the above couple of photos.. Arent I clever?!!  Its funny how people always look better in black and white though!!

  On to another random subject... If you could ask anyone one question and get a 100% honest answer, who would you ask??  It was my 101 questions to the fireman that made me think of this.  I have not got a clue who and what I would ask as I would need at least a few weeks to think about it if I was ever given the chance... Ive thought of a few such as asking Mary (Jesus' mother) if she really was a virgin when she had baby Jesus through to asking David Beckham if he really did have that affair! Would you ask someone dead if there is such things as heaven and hell or would you ask something more mundane such as finding out your parents favourite child.  More to the point, if the question that you asked was about your life, would you really want to know the answer?

  Ive put on 3 pound by the looks of things this week on my diet... Oops!

xx

I went for a meal last night with some work colleagues. There were a few people there that I have not met before. Unfortunately, one of them consisted of a gay man that I was "set up" with a couple of years I go. I say "set up" because in effect we took a look at each other and both did not like what we saw. However, this did not mean that I thought he was a bad person and when he arrived last night we all said the obligatory "Hellooo How are u...wah wah wah.." ... Except him, he kind of went "yeah..lets go in" before waving one way then another like a big homo and prancing into the pub.
Did he look at me or my mates once?? No.
Did he make any form of effort to acknowledge our existance... No... HOW RUDE!!

There is just no need for this kind of behaviour. The only thing that me and my friends found solace in was that his lips looked like they had been sewn together in some kind of *fish lips crossed with dogs arsehole* fashion because of the pretentious gay pout he was putting on. It made him look rather funny. Plus, because he was so ignorant, he didnt get to find out how nice me, andrew, neil and matt really were. His loss. Its a shame really because if he lightened up and tried to crack a grin, he wouldnt look half as bad!

Other than that, and totally ruining this diet that im not really on, it was a really good night and the food and company were great. One of the ladies that works with us brought along her husband. They are such a beautiful couple.. The kind that you can see been together forever. It was lovely. He is a fireman and I managed to ask him every question Ive ever wanted to ask.. It went something like this...

Q: Do you really have to rescue cats stuck up trees?
A: Yes we do. But the one cat Ive rescued bit me when I finally got it down.
Q: Did u kick it?..
A: I would have done if Id have caught the little bastard.
Q: Do you really slide down a pole??
A: Yes
Q Do you do it for fun??
A: No, only when there is a call out.
Q: But do they play Fireman Sam as you slide down the pole though..??
A: No, but sometimes people sing it at me.
Q: Do you have to rescue someone if they are quite obviously frazzled and smell of cooked beef??
A: The job is to look for survivors but you would have to be 100% sure they are crisp before moving on to look for people that are alive.
Q: Do you get more fires in the day or at night.
A: At night because that is when people dont realise that its a fire before it gets out of hand.
Q: This is really meant for policeman.. But, Do you do your nee nors if your late for lunch or want to get home quickly?
A: No, every time I put on the nee nors, it is recorded and disciplinary action would be followed if we did them when there was not a call.
Q: Have you ever been on a Firemans calendar..
A: No, not yet..
Q: Are the police a friend or foe?
A: They are good with us.. a friend..

I am sure I will conjour up some more to quiz him with next time I see him. Maybe I do sound a little bit like a 5 year old girl asking silly questions but you have to get these things off your chest!

I was having a discussion with my friend over the weekend over whether or not we were high maintenance.  I know that as a friend I am not too bad, I just demand that whenever I call someone, be it 2am in the morning or 6pm at night, they are available.  The only other thing I ask is that they agree with everything I say and tell me at least 4 times a day how wonderful I am. Oh, and send me gifts at least twice a week.  Thats not much to ask surely?? 

 Of course I jest,  I dont think Im too bad as a mate.  However. as a boyfriend I have been told in the past that I am high maintenance. I admit that I need a lot of loving and TLC and I like to spend as much time as I can with my better half whether it be alone, socialising or doing lunch or the cinema with friends, but Im not sure whether this qualifies. After all, is that not normal?? I think it depends upon the person you choose as your partner.  If you go out with someone whos temperament reflects your own then Im sure it isnt an uphill struggle. Take Andrew, for example. We are always texting each other nice messages and when we are not together, we are looking forward to the next time we see each other.  The only thing I worry about is that things are too good to be true. Comparing this relationship to others, it is a lot less hard work and heartache.  I am happier than I have been in years!

  So, high maintenance? Maybe I am.. Am I worth it? Ask Andrew!! Ill be bribing him with home made trifle to say yes!!
xx

Thanks to everyone who left comments about the poem..I appreciate I know everyone who left comments personally but its still nice!

Ive had a really nice weekend! While Andrew was away at Butlins partying to some bands from the 90's, I have been to Leicester to give Jasey some belated birthday presents and to steal all of his aftershaves! He really liked the bracelet that I got him altho I know even if it would have been one out of a christmas cracker he would make a big deal out of it! Either way tho, I was left feeling like I had made a nice impression.. I also bought mummy fanny Annie (I dont know why ive taken to calling her annie fanny but im pretty damn sure that if she finds out, she will kick ten shades through me..) a nice big bunch of flowers as every time I go I get fed and watered (and stuffed with a big sunday dinner which is the only time I get one nowadays.) Andrew came back yesterday and picked me up and we went back mine and had a couple of "us" hours before me going to work for a couple of hours and then really going to town with a humungous chinese takeaway..

The down side to the weekend is that I have been eating like a complete and utter pig-a-tron and I think its pretty much impossible that I am going to lose weight on Thursdays weigh in.. This is really quite distressing as I have bought an illuminous pink short sleeved shirt for Beverleys hen night. It is in size small which is *snug* to say the least (I cant breathe) and so I need to lose a good half a stone before Im going to be able to slim into it! I have.... (tots it up) 3 weeks and 5 days until the hen night..Oooh, doesnt sound very long when you say it like that!) Right, gym this week me thinks!! And I have a meal that I have got to go to tomorrow! ok, lets practise..

"yes please, Ill just have one rocket lettuce leaf with a slice of plain chicking... Thank you.. chow chow chow.."

Its not going to happen is it...