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You are going to die at the grand ol' age of:

87

Cheery stuff!

I wish I could tell you if I had a good night last night. The last thing I remember is necking a double vodka and coke. The rest is a blur... I turned in work still pissed up this morning much to the hilarity of my work colleagues!

Everyone keeps telling me I look nice today. It seems that I should burn the candle at both ends more often!

Have a nice weekend!
xxx

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the
bottom for the result.

This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has
got it right.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she
did not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be
her dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but
never asked for his number and could not find him.

A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?

[Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below]

Answer:

She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.

This was a test used by an American Psychologist to see if a person
has the same mentality as a psychopath.

Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the
question correctly.

If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you.

I went to Stoke last night after work. Even though I was only there for a couple of hours, it was lovely to get my own night with both Beverley Anne and Jaya on the night after, and the night before their birthdays. I took with me a caterpiller cake (with some curly wurly candles), some presents and a balloon each for them. I think that mummy Kazduck and Andrew enjoyed playing with Jayas Fifi deluxe watering can thing more than anyone else, but as long as someone was entertained then I have a smile on my chops! I have a couple of photos of the cake that I will probably post tomorrow! :-)

So, happy 2nd birthday to Jaya today! I crept out of work this morning and wailed "happy birthday" down the phone to her at 8.25am but I was very tired and it came out a lot louder than what I had originally intended. I half expected to return into work to a round of applause but I just had a few funny looks instead. Some people just dont appreciate a good singing voice nowadays! Its harder than I thought spending the girls birthdays away from them but I think Im appreciating time with all of them a little bit more. Silly things like helping Kazduck choose what to wear (or what not to wear) on Saturday, made me roar with laughter instead of having my head 2 foot into a laptop and grunting at every suggestion thrown at me. (if your interested, we decided on the green top and faded black jeans with diamonte beading... And to get into these jeans, Kazduck is going to do what any lady would do a few days before a night out if she "cant quite get" into her jeans... shes going to eat like a budgie!

Im going out tonight to the local gay pub in Coventry. Ive never been on a Thursday but am told that it is a really good place to be tonight and that it is really cheap to get drunken and disorderly! (cheap and cheerful, just how I like it!)

Laters

So, yet again I have decided that I cannot live without my beloved tongue bar. Yet again, I have tried to re-pierce it, and yet again, my tongue has fiercly rebelled. Yet again I have had to make a new hole through the bottom half of my tongue which means that, yet again, I am going to be speaking like a total flid "wallo befferley n waya.. wappy Mirfday!! Ope you wike ya Preshshshwants!"

I dont know why I put myself through it..

Note to self.. Nod and smile... Nod and smile...

Is it just me or do contact lenses make you feel tired, even if you are not tired??

Its my sisters birthday today.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEVERLEY ANNE!! I will be going up after work to visit her tomorrow so that will be nice! Its also Jayas birthday on Thursday... 2 years old already... time is flying and before y'know it, Ill be dead'ums!! I am getting her ears pierced for her birthday present and have also bought her a bit of something that should be whizzing its way up to stoke either today or tomorrow!!

Don't the weekends go quickly!? I lay in bed last night for ages before I went to sleep, just thinking and thinking about nothing (or everything). I have such random thoughts sometimes, and then once they're in my head, they keep me awake! for hours!

Diet starting today. I want to lose half a stone for my holiday next weekend. I wanna try to do it without starving myself. I am going to cut down more throughout the day than after work and see how I go!

I applied for a bar job last night. I don't think it will go down very well that I put that I couldn't work Saturdays and so I do not expect to hear much from them!

I have always hated my accent, but now I am living somewhere where Im the only one with the "stokie slang," im quite liking it.. In fact, Im loving it... I sound so cute with my looooook and boooook compared to everyone else here...

HOORAH TO THE STOKIES!!!!

I had an indian last night. Im paying for it this morning...

Better dash...
xx

Not quite sure what Im doing with this game...

It says you can send a message in a bottle and then go into contact mode to recieve messages back. Ive tried throwing a message in a bottle down the river and then going into contact mode and so far, nothing. Something on the net says that contact mode is only for DS - DS link not WIFI..

How am I meant to visit other towns if I aint got any friend codes?!?!

Its also a very slow starting game... either that, or I just dont "get it..."

Help!

Im extremely confused!

xx

Ive tasted Cadburys Turkish Delight.. It doesnt taste like flowers as with normal Frys turkish delight.. Is it turkish delight at all?? I dont like turkish delight so it was a good thing for me even if it did seem as though it was a bit of an imposter!

Ive been watching big brother tonight. Does anyone else wish that someone would invent a big fat cork to shove in Carols bloody gob?!!?
xx

  I am sure that most of you parents out there take going for a walk in the park with your son/daughter for granted.  Sure, you will get the odd "aww, isnt she lovely.." but overall, you will be free to do as you please.  This is not the case when Andrew and I try to take Suki for a walk. Every 3 steps we were stopping while a kiddy cuddled Suki to death. Although it was sweet, in the end it just got a tad irritating. I was fake smiling to much that when I got to the car and straightened my face, I looked in the mirror and had lines which looked like cuts either side of my bloody mouth!  And dont even start me on the jaw ache!!!

  I have about £100.00 to last me the month having paid for the holiday out of my account. I am going to be living off love for the next God knows how long!

 xxx

Evenin' Folks!
I have booked a holiday tonight.. How I am going to afford to pay for it is still a work of art in the making. It may involve pimping Andrew out to the highest bidder.. (£5? Sold!!)

This holiday has a spin on all of the others I have been on. Its going to be a coach trip..(I am assured that it will not be full of coffin dodgers.) Just to get out of going on an aeroplane, I am going to spend around 30 hours on a coach. We have upgraded to platinum seats so that the journey is a little bit comfier. Silly, but I think for the first time ever, Ill be enjoying the holiday from the very beginning instead of having panic attacks and crying fits before and during the journey! Im excited!D

Now I need to diet for a couple of weeks before the holiday! Ill let you know how it goes... I think im tipping the scales at around 12 stone at the moment.. (ouch) I wish I had Mummy Kazduck ere to shout at me when I put on weight! Mummy..Where for art thou?!! Come sort me out. Bring thy mega phone and weight watchers meal!

Mwah xxxx

I CAN SEE!!!

I have just been for my boots eye test and have come out with some contact lenses and ordered some specs. It sounds silly but I have never appreciated the little things so much. The detail in a foutain of water as droplets splash into the bowl. The gleam on a car as it whizzes by and the smallest details on flowers...

Silly hey?? All the same, its lovely!
xxx

Oh Im not having a good day. I have just shouted.. (as loud as my lil lungs would allow without screaming):-

"This place and its procedures is a FUCKING farce!"

I keep on agreeing credits with Tony, my manager. Until now it would have been ok to just credit these to the customers accounts. However, Tony has decided that he wants the area managers alerting to every credit I do over £50.00 (99% of the things..)

I have tried this and so far every single email I send I am getting a reply back bollocking me in some form or another. Each say I am doing something wrong, but the way in which I am doing it wrong criticises either my managers "how to" guide, or each of the area managers "best fucking practises." I am beginning to come to the end of my tether. There is only so much a boy can take... (Pardon the pun..)

Have a good weekend and bank holiday everyone! Ill try and post over the weekend! xxx

I went to watch the Simpsons movie last night. The reviews that I had read had said that it was just like an extended version of an episode. The difference was that they crammed all of the best jokes into it. There were parts where I was in tears of laughter and Im not one to laugh at something just because everyone else finds it amusing!

Along with the good film, I had a Ben and Jerry's Core Sundae with Phish food and Fossil Fuel. For those who havent heard of the Core Sundae, it is around 5 scoops of Ben and Jerry's (diets going well thanks..) with hot chocolate fudge spooned into a lickle ditch made in it. It was beautiful even though when Id finished it I wanted to hurl ma lil guts up!

When I arrived home from the cinema last night, I played on Animal Crossing for the DS. It keeps on telling me I need to meet all of the villagers in my village but unless there is someone hiding in a tree, I havent got a clue who it is that I have missed. If I dont resolve this "obviously technical because Im not a 5 year old" issue soon, it runs the risk of been thrown out of the window into the hands of some unsuspecting 8 year old who will then tell everyone of the day it rained a DS game...

Ive also had problems connecting it up to my wireless connection.. something about my wireless connection been WPA and it should be on WEP. Im not 100% sure what It means to be honest so I googled it. The impression I get is that at the moment on WPA, big manly warriors with axes and shields protect my wireless connection. If I switched to WEP, this would be downgraded to a single dwarf with a limp, a lisp and nothing to arm my connection but a feather. It makes it so much easier to understand when you word it like that doesnt it??

How I ever got a job in IT, Ill never know! Or maybe I just have an overactive imagination!?

It came.. and Ive had a go on my dinner.. its amazing.. I much prefer the cartoon 2d style graphics with good gaming rather than someone spending years 3d rendering a game for it just to be a disapointing headache to play...

I knew that one day, Nintendo would win me back over!! Go DS!!

xx

I think I am going to get my Nintendo DS today if my sister posted it... And if royal mail decide to not just leave it on the side for anyone to nab... I have 3 games for it.. So far, I have purchased:-

New Super Mario
Mario Cart DS
Animal Crossing (After a recommendation for Mkfunky)

I sold my PSP to get the money for it. The PSP was a little too adult for me I think. I know the DS isnt meant to be as good a graphics etc but, quite franky, these new 3d games give me a corker of a migraine when I try to play them! Sometimes I think we need a bit of "retro lovin".. Dont u?? Im also hearing alot about connecting it through a wireless router to play online with your friends... Suffice to say, I need to find friends who own a DS.. Anyone game!??

I am finally getting my eyes tested again this weekend.. It is muchly needed... I know it sounds silly but I cannot see writing that is about a metre in front of me now... Its quite funny but at the same time a little traumatic. I keep giving my manager evils when he says something, thinking that because I cant see him, he cant see me... I only realised that he was spotting me dishing out the looks when he asked me if I had something in my eye cos I was squinting at him...

*Note to self* Must practise evil looks...

A white route canal that I had done a few months back appears to have dislodged itself from my gnashers. I am very unimpressed as I am unsure when I will find the time to just "pop" up to stoke to get it sorted or if I will have to pay for the bloody thing with it been done privately and not on the NHS. I will be ringing them today and having a stern word in their ear...

Anyway.. Have a good Wednesday all.. xxxx

I have just done the whole "put a sock on sukis head and watch her walk around in circles bumping into things..." It lasted around 6 seconds before Andrew rescued her... Whoever said I wouldnt get revenge for her been a total betch when I take her for a walk? Ha!!

I then wafted my socks under Andrews nose until he enhaled while bragging that I didnt have smelly feet.. Never have had either.. Its something Im proud of!

For my next trick I will take my socks to the bedroom and show andrew my new willy warmer! Ha!

Ok.. really going to bed now. Good night! xx

There are very few things that I miss about my life in Stoke apart from my family and friends. (or the couple I seem to have left..) However, one thing I do miss is that I always knew that if I started walking from one place to another, I would always end up somewhere that I recognised - thus finding my way to home. (Kinda like throwing a boomerang!) I used to do it quite alot as Ive always been quite keen on thinking and walking.. it helps clear your head! Tonight in Coventry, I went investigating and ended up completely lost, with no battery on my phone and worrying about how I was going to get myself and Suki home in one piece. I started walking through an alley way which I knew was the right way, but there was a particulary dodgy Coventry-ish type man was walking up before me and he kept stopping as if he was waiting for me to pass. (in other words in my eyes, he was going to rape and pillage either me, suki, or both of us.) When I stopped, he started walking again and when I started walking again he stopped and then appeared to jump into some bushes on the other side of the alley way where he stood waiting. I panicked and started charging the other way, Suki dangling behind me. I nearly strangled the little darling.. It took me a while to take an alternative route home and I started panicking at one point but eventually arrived home safely.

I mean, I know Stoke is a bit rough in places but I knew the places to avoid and so never had much of a problem. Coventry has been dubbed as quite high in the "knife crime stakes" and so I need to watch where it is that I am walking my poochie, especially when she is wearing her sparkly spangly tutu...

Right then, Im going to bed now.. night night all xxx

  I have had the new nokia N95. The photo of Jaya has been taken with it. Let me put my feelings for this phone into one word..

SEX

I would quite happily make love to this phone...

  Not much else to say. Ive been to Stoke to see the family this weekend and went out with the Broadster on Friday night.  I wish I could tell you if it were a good night but unfortunately I was a little paraletic after 10pm... Oh the shame!

Right, im going to get something done! xxx

Ok.. Im worried. We are only on 11am at work and so far I have committed the following embarrassing offences...

1.) We have an instant messenger so that you can forward call back messages etc. I have just sent a message to the whole network saying the following:-

"I keep trying to send you a message but it is defaulting to sending to everyone. Silly! I am so bored."

Oops = 1

2.) Trying to regain my composure, I sauntered up to the fax machine to send some documents across to a depot. I heard a conversation where someone was referring to the new prime minister as "John Prescott.."

"I thought that everyone knew the new prime minister was George Brown" I said quite matter of factly..

Queue Laughter...

Oops = 2

Lets hope I never have THAT question at a pub quiz..

I want a crunchie because tis Friday... Im getting SO leathered tonight.. xx

This blog actually took form as quite a cheerless blog as when I originally wrote it, I was in a bad mood.. I am going to post both versions of what I have. What you see below is the reformed one with a bit of cheer in it... After that, I have posted the original one. Its amazing the difference a couple of hours can make in a day!

Where do you see yourself ten years from now?

I would like to think that in ten years time when I am 29 (dont say ANYTHING), Ill have a decent job that pays me a lottery winners wage for doing something I enjoy. (maybe a food tester for Mcdonalds or something as equally delicious...) I hope that I will have a loving husband or if Im VERY lucky then be a widower having received a hefty pay off of life insurance! (oh yes, he has A POLICY!) Oh and I want 2 pugs (Suki and Bazza) trotting around my feet. I pray to have a 15 bedroom house with a en suite and a big fuck off conservatory fit for a queen.(Aka Queen Adrain of pugsdrain mansion) In addition, I wouldnt mind 50 acres for my poochies to trot on that would also double up as a rifle range for when the puppies piss me off or when commoners "trespass" on my land!

I am been chauffered back to Sunny Staffordshire tomorrow for a night out on the tiles with my lovable fag hag Stacey. I am really looking forward to it and she is bound to have a few dance offs that will make me throw back my head and roar with laughter.. (if shes on form she may make me snot especially after Ive had a few drinks!) However, I have two concerns. One is that she has been on holiday and will be extremely bronzed which means that I am going to have to put on plenty of fake tan so that when I awake from slumber tomorrow morning, I look like the spawn of David Dickinson. Secondly, at the moment Im looking a bit like a very good Hagrid impersonator due to not having had a shave for nearly a week and so am going to have to prune myself within an inch of my life. (think the programme "ten years younger")

In other news, I am thinking of applying for a part time job in Coventry that involves socialising with new people so that I can make a few friends.. Prostitution is off the list according to Andrew. Im also not allowed to go stripping at Tricky Dickies in Birmingham as that would be laying all of my eggs into one basket (if you will pardon the pun) and so the best option would be pulling pints.. I think Id be good at it and I reckon it will help to remove my ever inflating budda belly! It has been suggested at work that I missed my vocation in life been a tea bitch as I am really good at it and even wash the dishes when I have finished! I just need an Apron...

Im still hating my job. I am so sorry I misinformed you yesterday. I think somebody somewhere slipped me a few happy pills! If it was you then can you please do it again... Ill pay you!

Laters xxx

And now, for the misery:-

Where do you see yourself ten years from now?

I would like to think that in ten years time when I am 33, Ill have a decent job that pays me a good wage that I enjoy doing. I hope that I will have a loving husband and 2 pugs trotting around my feet. I pray to have a 3 bedroom house with a conservatory and a nice back garden for my babies to roam freely.

The thing is, if someone would have asked me about 10 years ago what I hoped for when I was 23.. I would probably say the same kind of thing.. (only Id maybe wish for a wife and not a husband incase gay bashing occured..)

Ten years from now, will I still be wanting what is just out of my reach? Even if I have all of the things I want, Im sure Ill want more.

Sometimes, life really does seem to be one big long fight for not a lot back in return.

Im going back to Stoke tomorrow for a night out on the tiles with my mate Stacey. I am quite looking forward to it but am going to have to prune myself a bit because at the moment Im looking a bit like Hagrid from Harry Potter.

Im also thinking of applying for a job at a bar in Coventry. I want to start making some friends and the best way to go about it seems to be to get into a social atmosphere where I can meet new people.

Im still hating the job. I dont know whether this will make sense but because Im only spending about an hour or two at the moment doing the job I should be doing, its not stressing me out too much. However, when Tony (the manager) Blair comes back off his holidays, Im going to have to redo all of the filing. (I cant STAND filing) and do all of his excel reports that he wants to palm off on me (If Im doing reports and not talking then I will almost definitely fall asleep.) Im hoping that something is still to come back for the job with customer services in my old role. Id even forfeit my internet access for a job with a bit of character...

Right, im off to eat my chicken dinner... gravy anyone??

Two things at work happened today that has started to sway the way I feel about the place...

1.) Somehow, I have managed to wangle work which means I now have access to the internet at work. It involved me sending an email to the IT Support Manager and pleading my case.. The only argument I had was that my predecessor had access to the internet but oh how I played on it. Eventually after a week of emails going to and fro, I have finally got it... I do not intend on telling anyone that I have gained access to the world wide web. It is going to remain my closely guarded secret as I do not want to lose it!

2.) It would appear that I am really starting to make a few friends at work. I am even seeing some fag hag potential in a few of them which pleases me immensely!

I just wish I lived closer to the place. I have my form here ready for my provisonal to be sent off and before you know it Ill be starting to learn to drive! Or at least I will be when I can afford to. Money is going to be tight for the next few months!

Good night all xxx

Last night it seemed that my precious Suki had rabies.. Either that or she has been helping herself to the Bold Washing powder again. Either way, yesterday she started foaming at the mouth on two seperate occasions.. Her behaviour was also worse than I have ever known it. Andrew put her on the sofa next to him where she immediately began peeing all over him, the sofa and the pillow. He was most unimpressed.

I think I took my feelings of Suki into the bedroom with me as when Andrew came up to me later on, he gave me a squeeze good night and I said something like "for fuck sake Suki!" and then went back to sleep. I have also noticed that when Andrew makes the bed, he puts his giraffe and my pug teddy bears in various sexual positions on the bed. There was me thinking he was all angelic and such like! Shocking!

I arrived into work this morning at 8am as Andrew has been working in Liverpool. I then strolled out at 5pm on the dot. My contracted hours are 8.30am-5.30pm. I am not sure whether anyone questioned my leaving half an hour early but I did mention it to my manager a few weeks ago and he agreed to it.. Though whether he remembers Im not sure. I will find out tomorrow. The thing is, with my job, they dont need me anyway and nothing ever happens after 5.00pm. I consider myself to be working flexi-time and wont let anyone tell me otherwise! Next on my hit list is demanding access to the internet!!

I decided a week or two ago that I wanted a Nintendo DS. I dont have the
space for both a nintendo DS AND a PSP. In other words, I cant afford
to buy a DS without selling my PSP. I have sought assistance from my
sister (Aka Mrs Feegal or The Ebay extroadinaire) who has managed to
flog it for £80.00 and has got the games up for auction separately. The
£80.00 she made she has used to cruise ebay and buy me a Nintendo DS
with The New Super Mario Brothers game. I have also purchased Mario Kart
DS and am looking forward to this weekend where I can just play (and
play and play).. Hell, I may even take it into work to tinker with when
Im bored!! it will make a nice change from playing with my widge! Ha! I
lie, I lie!

I managed to finally send out the big long (evil) report that I was
worrying about all weekend. I have not had anything back that says that
I have filled it all in wrong so we will cross our tails that all is
well with it! In regards to finding another job, I still haven't
received an email with the application pack from the sister company of
ANC. I have considered putting my pointiest shoes on, marching down to
where their offices are situated and kicking whoever it is that is meant
to be sending me the application packs ass into next week. However, I
fear this may affect my odds in the application process and so I shall
refrain from doing so. (For now!)

Since I have come off shifts, it is both a relief, and a pain in the
creamy cracker. I never realised how muchj I used to get done when I was
working the 2pm-10pm shift. Little things like getting my hair cut and
finding another job etc now have to wait until the weekend. Believe me,
trying to find a job agency open at the weekend is like me trying to
find a G Spot on a woman. In other words - There is more chance in
seeing a rocking horse shit.

xxx

A present from my daddy for my moving home... As far as I know its not cheap stuff (in my book more than thirty odd quid for a bottle of champagne is daylight robbery!)  Things started off so well.. I felt ever so poosh!

Alas though.. It ended in tears...

  Proof that I am a Lambrini girl...

I have been advised to mix the champagne with orange juice, a spoonful of sugar and lemonade...

  I think next time I will just request a case full of concorde wine... Its lovely!! Heheheh!!

Of sorts...

I have figured out today.. (with my been a total IT genius still) that I have infared on my laptop and also have infared on my mobile phone.. So I needent be spending a fortune media messaging them across!

Isnt my daughter beautiful though? She has her moments but as she gets bigger she is developing such a personality!

There is talk that in a year or so we may get another for a bit of company for Suki..

The sun is shining outside and we are unsure of what to do... So far, I have just been sat on here minding my own business watching Suki run circles around Drew.. Its too nice to go to the seaside (that sounds really silly but what I mean is that loads of people are going to go there on a day like today..) but its too nice to stay in...I dunno... I just... Dunnoo...

xx

In the last 10 minutes Andrew has come out with the following:-

"Do you know Ade, I think Suki may be a little incontinent.." I reminded him that she is barely 12 weeks old...

"Do you know Adie, Sukis face is ever so thin.. I dont think we are feeding her enough.." So it doesnt matter that her body is like a little barrel no??

"Do you think Sukis eyes are a bit blood shot... I do hope she hasnt got an infection.." She is a perfectly normal dog.. Talk about paranoid parent!!

Work today was shit. Started the report that is destined to send me over the edge..
xx