Ive just had to use a "flash wipe" to sort myself out after going to the loo.. We had no toilet roll. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

But it stings. It REALLY stings.

Help!

Today I have been very unwell... I think I had an extremely dodgy Weatherspoons indian curry last night when I went out with N & M and I have been verging on hurling my guts up all day! (Nice..) After been dressed by Jasey (yes, quite literally) I managed to make it into town and spend my Christmas money. Delerious and moaning "we aint in Kansas anymore.." every now and again for good measure, I somehow made it through a couple of hours worth of shopping. However, ask me what Ive bought and I havent got a clue! It will be like christmas all over again tomorrow when I go through my bags of goodies!

I need to start preparing for Beverley Annes new years party. My job is to take lots of Indian snacks. However, for the first time ever today, I cant see my eating anything of the Indian variety for a good while and will certainly be keeping away from Weatherspoons for the forseeable future. Ill stick to my cottage cheese and sweetcorn jacket potatoes! Safe 'n english tasting for now me thinks!

xxx

Christmas has come and gone and, apart from about half a stone in weight, I am relatively untouched. I received loads of lovely pressies which included a watch that I love, lots of aftershave, an amplified t shirt, Kylie calendar, scales that weigh you and tell you what celebrity you are the weight of, (Im half of John Candy...) 100 pound which I am going to go and buy myself some clothes in the sale with, and Zelda for my Nintendo DS (Which is proving to be very addictive!) I also got loads more but I cant remember what at the moment!

The presents that I bought other people were also gratefully received and Andy has enjoyed beating everyone (so far) on his wii. It goes without saying that I would of course whooped everyones ass on it, had I not incurred an injury at the first hurdle on "sonic and mario at the olympics.." (so to speak!) My arm still feels as if it is going to fall off!!

Today, the plans are to sit and vegitate for a few hours before getting ready and going to the cinema with Dame Kazduck and Beverley Anne to watch "enchanted.." Yes yes, I know Ive seen it once.. but I want to see it again... and again... and then buy it on DVD... After that, I am going to see N and M for a chat and a weatherspoons curry... Cheap, cheerful and good company.. just like the olden days :-)

Xxxxx

Santas only gone and left me a bloomin stocking on the bedroom door! It had loads of goodies in... and PINK smarties (PINK!!),, amazing. I almost got a tear!

The fat bastard has only gone and dropped his load down the wrong chim-eh-ney so we will be shortly making my way to Beverley Annes to open presents.

Ah well, at least he will save on Reindeer juice, but if he thinks hes getting a whiskey, cookie and carrot next year, well... he can think again!

Merry Christmas everyone.. Have a great day! xx

Did everyone know that the original singer of Walking in the Air in The Snowman is not Aled Jones but a choirboy called Peter Auty? When my bro-in-law told me today, I didnt believe him. I certainly have always thought that it was Aled Jones that made the song famous in the film.

Aled Jones released a cover version a few years after the film was brought out and everybody assumed it was him in the film. He of course kept it relatively quiet that he wasn't actually involved and has since made a mint on the back of it, whilst the original singer got a mere 300 and odd quid for his work and faded back into obsurity due to not being credited on the film's original release. This was changed in a rescripting of the snowman in 2002.

Shocking...xx

We all went for our Christmas meal with our dad and mummy Julie last night. We all had a great night and were chocka block full with good food and good spirits. (or maybe that was the couple of pints I had?!) Probably the highlight of my night personally, was my dad asking me to be his best man for when he gets married in October.

I never actually thought that I would be the person that would be asked to be the best man on his day, although I did have a fleeting thought a few weeks when my dad text saying he wanted to ask me something. It turned out to be whether or not I would be able to make the wedding on a Sunday because they couldnt get the venue on the Saturday. Immediately, I dismissed the idea that I would be the person he asked and assumed it would be my grandad or a friend of his.

For my sisters wedding, I went on the hen night instead of the stag night because me and beverley anne are about as close as a brother and sister can be. I would not have missed it for the world and have no regrets. The thought of the grooms paint balling stag activity did not really rock my world as I bruise easily and had visions of them all playing "shoot the resident gay!" However, Im already really looking forward to helping to organise my dads stag party and playing a part in a wedding that I wasnt sure at first that Id have any part in. After Christmas, Im going to do some investigative work and then we can go from there with it all!

More than anything, I want to make my dad proud of me. I know it must be hard as a man to have the only aire to the thrown and family name to be a big Jessy. (Even if he is the spit of his father.. cool, suarve, sophisticated...) Him asking me to be his best man has kind of given me some kind of reassurance that I guess ive needed for years now. I have never been treated as an outcast by anyone but I am the kind of person that labels myself before others can. Whenever I am out with dad and we meet people Ive not seen before and he has to introduce me as his son, I feel ashamed for him.. im just strange like that. Always have been.

Maybe this will put my demons to rest.

I truly am honoured.

Just dont speak to me about a speech.

A year or two ago I read a book called P.S I love you. At the time I read it, I was told that it was that good that it was been made into a major movie by warner brothers. It made me want to read the book and when I started reading it, it was while I was working out at the gym. I can remember it bringing me to tears at a few times but I had to just pretend it was the sweat from working out. I had long forgotten about the book and then last night while I was watching the trailers for enchanted, what should pop up but the trailer for the film, P.S I love you. Enjoy..

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Very very bad wrapping.. unless I get someone else to do it ;-)
2. Real tree or Artificial? Real. Never again ill a fake tree darken my doorway!

3 . When do you put up the tree? Around 5th-8th December... its a bit chavvy to have it up in October!

4. When do you take the tree down? As soon after New Year as physically possible!

5. Do you like egg nog? Id like to try it.

6. Favourite gift received as a child? The original Nintendo. It was amazing!
7. Do you have a nativity scene? Er. No.
8. Hardest person to buy for? My brother in law.

9 . Easiest person to buy for? Dame Kazduck.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail. I think although sweet, online christmas cards are a bit less personal.
11 .Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I dont think its fair to say things are bad because people have made the effort to go out and buy them.

12 . Favourite Christmas movie? Scrooge.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? In October and now nobody wants what they originally asked for!
14 . Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Does giving them to Bev to sell on ebay count??
15. Favourite thing to eat at Christmas? Dame Kaducks homemade pate. You really cant beat it!

16. Clear or coloured lights? As coloured as possible!
17. Favourite Christmas song? All I want for Christmas

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Travel to home....

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers? Let me sing it to you without looking..."There goes dasher and dancer and prancer and vixen, comet and cupid and donder (??) and blitzen... but do u recall... the most famous reindeer of all??? Rudolph the red nose reindeer... had a very shiny noossseee!! *wails rudolph the red nosed reindeer into his hair brush*
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I cant find a suitable enough angel at the moment so its a star for now.

21 . Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Throughout the day... If you do it all too early in the morning then your bored all day...

22 . Most annoying thing about this time of year?  Trying to do something simple like doing a weekly shop.. Impossible...

23 . Favourite ornament theme or colour? As many colours as possible.. im working up my ornaments
24. Favourite for Christmas dinner? Turkey, mash potato, sprouts, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, carrots, stuffing, pigs in blankets....
25. What do you want for Christmas this year?  I consider myself lucky to have what I have when a lot of people out there have nothing and dont even know that it is Christmas day.  But, if we are really going there.. then id like a pony, a drum kit, 10 diamond rings.... erm... oh and a huge palace full of chocolate loving! xxx

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

I am seriously loving this song... xx

Just to quickly sum up my day at work today (as I told beverley ann via text).. Jesus! I have single handedly trampled over several hundred peoples christmas wishes by not been able to assist with parcels that are stuck in various countries other than the UK. In all seriousness though, I didnt get half as much shouting at as most of the other people sat around me who were ending calls left right and centre due to customer abuse time after time. ("HI HAM NOT GOING TO TAKE YOU SPEAKING LIKE THIS TO MEH MR CUSTOMER..MERRY CWISSMAS AND GOODBYE!") It is probably because I am a gluten for punishment and tend to take abuse quite well, sympathising and putting myself in the customers shoes instead of getting all up my arse about it. What can I say? Despite me taking the piss over here, I actually think Im ok at my job.

Tonight was Christmas day - take one. Jasey came around and we went for a meal at the local. (veggie sausages, mash potato and mushy peas with gravy..) It was delightful and was closely followed by a quick trip to ikea (in which I could only find anything decent or affordable in either the food or the plant sections) and then onwards to watch the movie of the year. The movie that from the day we saw the preview, we vowed to watch on our Christmas day. Enchanted.

Enchanted is not only the best film Ive seen this year, I also think it a serious contender for one of my favourties. Ever. Yes, the story is quite "disneyfied" and it is quite straight forward. You dont have to work out any secret plots or pay too much attention if you dont want to...But if you do choose to pay attention then you spot the innocent humour aimed at the kiddy viewers, the sarcasm aimed at the adult viewers and the all round laughs aimed at all. I havent been too well this week,(dosed up on Night nurse as we speak) and especially tonight when I think my man flu finally took hold of me, I was unsure whether I was going to love or hate been stuck in a cinema for 2 hours plus. I could have easily sat through it again. To sum it up, a fairy tale come true and a barrel of laughs that had the audience (and me) in stitches! I have lines where i had a fixed grin!

Oh, and have I mentioned that I now have a big fat wad of pressies under my tree???
xx

I havent got much to say again today other than that today when I left work there were over 70 calls in the queue waiting to be answered. Picture that for the full 8 hours of the day and a fire alarm going out half way through... On return finding over 100 calls on hold.... Oh yes.. and tomorrow it is meant to be busier. (not sure whether to input ouch or fuck here.)

I remember the days when I worked at anc and was a team leader there. I used to panic if there was ever more than 4 calls holding! How times (and people) change. There was certainly overtime going for anybody that wanted it today, but unfortunately there is only so much shouting at I can take in one day before I just want to curl up in a ball and rock back and forth singing "swing low sweet chariot.." Seriously, today I have been personally accused of:-

1.) Putting a ladies job on the line because her bosses daughters present was not going to be with him in time and he had personally assigned her to sorting this with fedex. She seemed to take a liking to me though and by the end of the conversation didnt seem to mind that by new years eve, she would be drawing her dole. "ah bugger it, if its that important then let him do it himself.." she said... Which just makes me feel worse when I like the person on the other end of the phone.

2.) Making up US Customs regulations. Apparantly if I really wanted to I could tell them to sneak the ladies fireworks through without them giving the parcel a second glance. "oh come on... its christmas..i know you could do this if you really wanted" She said... If only I could, I would have had 500 less calls today!

3.) Threatening to make a lady poorly over Christmas. "I have you know Im on medication and having to have these conversations is making me rather ill...." By the sounds of her, the only thing that was making her ill was the fact that she had to dial out instead of been able to get her butler to do it for her. *tuts*

Anyway... It is the last day at work tomorrow before I am off for 11 days!!! WOOO!!! xx

Last night, I somehow managed to get even less sleep than previous nights. Bollocksed is not the word.

On top of everything else, my system (which crashes a few times each day) went bump. I sent my team leader the message below:-

> 15:26 Adrian Williams: May I please report a problem with my system
> 15:26 Adrian Williams: it would appear, the hamster in my PC is dead
> 15:26 Adrian Williams: I am giving the kiss of life as we speak..
> 15.27 Adrian Williams: That is all.

She was laughing her head off at it and showing everybody in the office what I had put. Overall, I havent been in too bad a mood today, all things considered. If I dont get more than a few hours sleep tonight though, I am seriously going to consider... AGH!! OK, this PC definitely has problems.. its just skipped me back to the page I was previously on. Luckily clicking the forward button brought me back to the blog I had already typed.. And there it goes again. Im going to get violent.

Better quit while Im behind.. if you will pardon the pun! Ha!xx

This week is the busiest week in the working year at my company. Yesterday I took 112 inbound calls. (Usually I average out at about 80-85..) My throat is killing my life. I actually feel as if I may lose my voice. It is hurting lots. Anyone would think it would be my dream to natter away all day. If only they did instant messaging with the customers, that would solve all of my problems. I could type quicker than they could so interrupt them! Ha!

In a bit of a corn-on-the-cob due to the lack of sleep that I am getting at the moment. Im sat in bed tonight from now until I dose though and I swear that Im going to try and get my eyes asleep before 10pm. It has well been after the bitching hour the last few nights and I dont know how much more my little body can take before I start shouting atrocities back at the customers at work instead of my normal charming self..
xx

Good evening..
Its Jasey here.. As you know, Adieplop has just purchased a brand spanking new Laptop and has been having a few issues.. He's asked me to write a tester blog to see if it is the laptop with the issue, or the dumbass using it.. So far it appears the dumbass is the fault... Not sure what Adie uses to type with, but with my dainty little fingers i am having no issues what so ever...

ok, Adie now... Ive been having ever such problems over the last few days with the laptop jumping over the screen. I also got the "operating system not found error" this morning followed by the wireless been unable to connect but now it seems that everything is typing all hunky dorey... Over to poo for the weather...

Fooking Freezing!!! Wet in places but i think thats just cus Adie fell sleep next to me and did his usual dribble...

I dont dribble... I prefer to call it my silver saliva... I have you know that there are people out there that would be only too happy to wake up with their face wedged squarly in my patch of silvery saliva...

Speaking from experience of waking up in the patch of 'silvery saliva', anyone out there is more than welcome.. They are also welcome to enjoy the snot projected onto my face/arm/body whenever i make Adieplop laugh...

Which isnt very often...

Pardon!! When you got in the car today after your awful day, i had you happy and laughin within about 4 minutes, and i also let you sing lead vocals on our new Spice Girls Karaoke Cd!!!!

It was you singing along to the spice girls that made me laugh!! Poo, you got such a streak! you is as streaky as danish. I am now waffling on about nothing because we have just found that the keyboard jumped half way up the screen. We are unsure whether this was me or not.. Poo, your views please??

Well Adieplop, i would suggest that this could be due to a virus but seeing as you have only had the laptop 2 days, and have only been on about 3 'inapporpriate' sites during this period, i can conclude that their is either a ghoolie living in the new laptop, maybe the spirit of anna nicole smith, or there is an issue with this laptop and it needs sorting...

Or Im just pushing the touchpad without knowing it? Thank you for that Poo... In my experience in the IT Support Centre centre, I was fully trained in rectifying any techinical issues with laptops or desk top PC's. However, a full reboot of the system did not work. Im out of ideas.

Im not one to bring up the past very often, but your IT Expertise lost me my Start menu and every fooking thing else when you tried to sort out my laptop issue.. I wouldnt mind but all i wanted you to do was fix the space bar...

*poo and pie fall around in giggles of laughter*

Thats all for now.. Feck knows whats wrong with the laptop!

I follow the crowd. I love the new Leon song - when you believe. Im so glad he won.. Im going to buy it. 5 times. Just to say Im sorry. Told ya, Im fickle! Xx

Ive got to say everything Ive said once already...Ive written 3 fucking entries and this new laptop keeps on skipping back a screen. I did write saying how good it was but it is starting to get slightly annoying!! my cursor keeps randomly jumping over the screen! Grr!! Not sure whether I should reinstall the fecking keyboard or something!! Other than that it has been really good other than me taking nearly 2 hours to work out how to work out the webcam.. (u just press the laptop magic key and the F7 key and yet I was installing and reinstalling drivers!)

And as Ive already said 3 times, all of the family came around this weekend and we had a lovely time. I thought Id have a moment with Jaya and so took her for a walk with suki.. I imagined us strolling around hand in hand, my pointing at random sites in coventry and her giggling. I imagined my swinging her around and her filling the air with laughter. What I didnt think was that Id spend 10 whole minutes out of the house been dragged by a crazy dog and the only words coming out of Jayas mouth the whole journey been "Naughty Suki...Oi! NAUGHTY SUKI... SUKI SIT... SIT SUKI!!!" and "Wheres andrew?? Andrew walk?? Andrew come walk.." and my saying for all of the walk in my poshest voice I could muster.. "Suki... SUKI.. Please Suki, Calm down.. Come on now Suki.. Heel suki.. Heel... *angry whispering* "WAIT TILL I GET YOU HOME YOU LITTLE BETCH... YOU JUST WAIT!! YOUR FACE'LL BE FLAP ALRIGHT YOU SHIT FER BRAINS!" etc.as you can imagine.. I was home within 10 minutes..

We had one of Andrews big breakfasts this morning before doing a bit of shopping and then me waving everyone off with a heavy heart. It is now sitting here on my own thinking to myself that I wish I could try and make more of the time I spend with them. However, if I didnt get chance to sit down and "spend time with them" then I dont think Id feel like Id done much with them anyway! Besides, Im seeing them next week and no doubt after a couple of days they will be sick to death of me. xx

Rhydian... No... Leon... No, leons dull... but Rhydian was a cock when he first auditioned.. Mrs O hated him....but Leon is extremely dull... ah feck it, Ill put CSI on.. xx

What a waste of a dicky diver! Had a good ten bloody votes on the pair of losers!

Unless... maybe... there was a big phone scam again and none of anyones votes got cast for them... Its a conspiracy!!

Oh well, im fickle... Leon to win!! xx

Well, I went to gala bingo last night ready to flap my bingo wings and shout out "BINGOOOOOO!!" as loud as I possibly could. The highlight of my night however, ended up been eating a cheese burger and big fat plate of chips. (Might I add, only £4.20 WITH a soft drink and it was BOOTIFUL..) What I dont understand is that it was an extremely chav environment to be in and yet everyone could afford 20 pound + for their bingo and then food, drinks, mini games, link up games... I couldnt bloody afford it! I assume that some people seriously make a living out of it... Thats what Ive heard anyway! Most of the dears in there looked like they were claiming off the social and hadnt brushed their hair in weeks. They got so annoyed when other people won, to the point where you could hear "bitch" echoing around the room when someone called house. It also appeared to me that the same people seem to win. One woman won 4 times. She didnt have the decency to leave after the first or second win and ended up getting the £700.00 prize (bitch!) Lol! Im just jealous and must say that out of them, she looked like she needed the money the most! Adding to this that when I left, I had a bunch of teenage chavs following me up the road shouting random things at me (probably hoping to rob me if I had won..) and you can figure out how my night ended up.

On another note, it seemed that 90% of the old dears were in love with the 70 year old bingo caller named Trevor. He was kinda like a Mr Cool grandad... with a bit of gentleman in him.. but a hint of chav... I wasnt smitten..

My family are coming today!! Yay!! Xxxx

17:37 My Managers Name: I have to say you have a fantastic way with customers...dont ever change...ur what we needs more of.

I got praise from a manager that doesnt even wanna bed me! Thats got to be good! ;-)
xxx

Ooh, I just found a french fries crisp on my desk.. It came from nowhere.. Very tasty it was too!

Ive lost my tie somewhere.. Its the only tie that goes with this shirt. Ive looked high, ive looked low. Ive looked everywhere where I would have put it. Which means that Andrew has been cleaning again. But dare I ask where he has put it? Well, yes actually. About 400 times. But I have become quite familiar to his ways in that if I ask something enough times, he all of a sudden remembers where it has been put. So far I am at asking him 6 times. Ill work on him tonight!

For now, Im going to stroll in work, unbuttoned shirt showing off a bit of chest hair (my wisp) and if anyone looks at me as if to say "why are u dressed without a tie..?" ill look back at them with my best "say anything and Ill beat you with my USB Christmas tree..." gaze.

Have a great Thursday everyone...xxx

I dont want to name and shame but a very good friend of mines, brothers, partner had his nob pierced at the weekend. He had to go to hospital today because it had blocked a main blood vessel to his little man.. Another week and it may have even had to have been removed but as it is he is ok, just a little swollen! (I know what ur thinking and I may get mine pierced too! Hahah!) It made me titter a bit. Then I thought, the things you must see when you are working in an accident unit.. willies falling off, things stuck in holes they shouldnt be in.. Oh the excitement my day could have!! xx

 Losing teeth may symbolize a feeling of - or fear of - getting older or impotent or losing sexual attractiveness. (Oh Greeat!!) Or they may represent a retreat to infancy (when, toothless, you enjoy your mother's breasts and nourishment) (pardon me?!), and hence a refusal to face reality. (oh yeah.. I see where this is goin...) Alternatively, they may symbolize the start of a new phase in your life (knocking a tooth out sometimes featured in male initiation rites in mythology).

So there we have it... my losing a few teeth in a dream could mean absolutely fecking anything! Good to see though!

Had a shockingly bad day at work today... Didnt stick to the diet.. In fact, I even pulled the oversized hotdog I had saved in my drawer and devoured that! xx

We finally got a photo from the Christmas party... How hammered do we look!?!

Aww.. always makes me smile when Im hammered in photo... I cant even remember it been taken!

These are the two girlies that I trained with anyway!! I formed a bond with them both over the weeks after we started! xxx

I keep on dreaming about losing my teeth.. I wake up and have to run to a mirror to check I still have my gnashers in place. The dream feels so real! My teeth are by no means perfect but I hope these terrible dreams are not a sign that I am going to be a gammy gummy bear by the time im 25...

Then again, in the past where I have dreamt that Ive won the lottery or that it has been christmas on a day in July, or that I have had a passionate night with David Beckham.. Well, they havent ever come true either..

Swings and roundabouts I suppose!
xx

1.) It looks as though Dame Kazduck, Beverley Anne and the clan may be coming to stay this weekend while Richard is away. Dame Kaz is yet to see the place where I am living and so am especially excited about that! We are in the process at the moment of trying to think of exciting things to do when they come over.

2.) My laptop appears to be dying. When I switch it on, the fan goes into overdrive and the PC doesnt actually appear to come to life. After about 10 goes of turning it off and on, it seems to work but it seems to be getting worse the more time goes on and Mr Peel has said it could be a mother board issue which could prove to cost the earth to replace. Luckily, he has also spotted a laptop that has fabulous specs and retails for £700.00 + in the shops from his supplier for £400.00 so Andrew has kindly borrowed me his credit card which I have popped it onto! It has a built in webcam n everythin'! The laptop I have at the moment is still retailing at around £1200.00... I dont quite get as to why though if Im honest!

Right, I better get my arse into gear! xx