Last night, while browsing through Tesco, I recalled that I needed to buy some chewing gum as the 60 piece share tub that I had bought had almost run out. Myself and Jasey wandered over to the chewing gum section and I was shocked as to what I found. You aint gonna believe this... Wait for it... 60 Pieces of chewing gum in a plastic tub costs £2.45... A pack of 5 x 10 chewing gum costs £1.50... 95p for 10 extra chewing gums...

Well..

The Dirty, robbing, money scounging BASTARDS!

And thus I, proving once again that I am indeed Carol Vordermans long lost nephew! (and that I have far too much time on my hands!)

Officially, date 2 tonight.. I have chosen the venue... I will reveal more in my next post...! Im excited anyway! xxx

Written this entry once but it didnt save so now I have half a draft!! Grrr!!!

I went on my first official date last night, after meeting a guy on Saturday night. (New years resolution officially smashed..) I had a really nice night and am going to be seeing him again on Thursday for round 2. We went to an Italian Restaurant called "De Vincis" in Coventry. It is years since I have eaten out at anything other than an Indian or chinese restaurant and I really enjoyed it! (I didnt even think I liked italian food but it turns out that not all italian dishes have 2lb of cheese incorporated into the recipe!)

After the lovely meal, we went on to a charming chav pub where all the people looked like a cross between the Goonies, and the creatures from the black lagoon. I think he took me there because I said I was feeling a little bit of a chunky monkey after our meal. Boy, did it give me a boost!! Most of them had one eye on their pint and one up the nearest chavettes skirt! Vile.. (nice use of the word vile there Bertie!)

Finally, we went back to my house and I got dropped off. There was a short smooch, ("Ok, Ive bought you dinner, now do I get a kiss?") before I got out of the car and floated into the house. (no, not because I had a rocket up my arse but because Id just had a great night out!)

A little bit of more information for anyone that is interested. (Natalie, skip on down..) I wont go into too much detail for fear of looking like a stalking Psycho, which of course I am but we dont plan on telling him that just yet. He is 28 years old and his name is Andy. This in itself is rather handy, as Id never have to worry about calling him my exs name.. He is built like a brick shit house, has very dark hair and eyes (which are rather pretty), and is very much my "type" lookswise ('kin gorgeous!) I happen to think hes rather foxy too which helps! As a bonus, he is absolutely bonkers which means I am in good company when with him!

The gesture that I was most touched by last night, was that over the few days that we have been speaking, he had accumulated a toll to pay because of his cheekiness. He had made it up to owing me a Kit Kat Chunky, a Toffee Crisp and a Twix. When we got back in the car last night after the meal, he said that there was something in the glove compartment for me. Low and behold, my promised chocolate bars. It was just the cutest thing ever! Y'see, Its the little things that mean the most to me...*ahem*... I didnt the chos but for him to have bought them was such a nice gesture and I think hes really sweet,,,, n tha..

I had a customer that wasnt very nice to me yesterday..

Although Ive had a few nasty customers in my time, Ive never actually been called an abusive name. He was blah blah blah-ing about nothing saying random things such as "Yeah, take me to fucking court.. I cant wait in fact cos Ill take you to the cleaners.." (id not mentioned anything about taking anyone to court.. had just asked him what his query was) and "yeah well tell your friends there, I aint paying it.. Got it?? Im not paying it... right??" (very patronising) This was a bill that he had no reason at all not to pay. My company had provided him a service that was done correctly from start to finish (we have a money back policy if it is not) and he was complaining about something completely irrelevant.. The price of the service that he knew before he even sent the goods! I was trying to keep my patience with him but in the end we had a conversation that went a little bit something like this:-

Me:- "Listen, Im trying to help you and your been extremely rude..."
Him:- "U aint seen rude boy.. U aint fucking seen it..Keep on, and Ill show u rude"
Me:- "Well, your certainly the rudest person Ive spoken to today.." (talk about winding him up, but at this point I didnt give a fuck)
Him:- "Just get it done, you fucking wanker.."
me:- "oh right..."
*Line goes dead*

Well, that told me. Needless to say, his useless rant went no further than my little brain. It would maybe have gone off my desk if the thick twatto would have thought to stay long enough to give me some contact details. Such a shame he didnt. The thing is, if someone would have been polite to me and given me a bit of respect, I always try and help them and put myself in their position. I hear staff in my office that actually pick fights with customers. Im usually the one that the customer really wants to hate because they have a beef with my company, but cant hate because Im so nice... Usually that is...

I had a ready made meal for lunch that I think may have been off today. It was spaghetti with meatballs and had a display date on 27.01.08... tasted a bit funky but a spot of food poisoning wouldnt kill me.. I could do with losing a few pound!! ;-)

xxx

Im going out for a meal tonight.. Im rather excited because it is going to be a surprise as to where I am going! I am also going to be going with someone who makes me laugh until I almost piss which helps! Im gonna be so unimpressed when I roll into a Mcdonalds drive through aint I?!

xx

Im in a really good mood today.. Even though I went out last night, got completely shit faced and have been hung over all day. I have had the best day. I went to see Dame Kazduck and Beverley Anne with Jasey and the Dame made us a massive Sunday lunch. It was yummy! I managed to pick up my laptop while I was there which seems to be 100% repaired now. Its a right gem to use too!!

I got invited to a house party before going out last night. I was completely humbled by it all and still am today. They are a bunch of lovely people and they really made an effort to be friendly and to include me in their conversations. I have been very unlucky with some of the people I have met so far in Coventry as those who read my private posts know, but the nice people have been worth all of the shit that has gone on over the last few months. I feel as if I am genuinely starting to find my feet here and it is making friends that is helping that.

Lifes good... Actually, its great. Im great.

Xxxx

This net connection is starting to piss me and my life off a little bit! One minute its up, the next minute it is down.. I cant cope.

As a young homosexual individual, I have very basic needs compared to some of my queer counterparts who require washing, grooming and facial appliance on a daily basis. But one need that can never be compromised is that I have access to the internet on a regular basis. None of this arsing about not knowing whether your going to be able to get online or not. Its just not right. There should be laws against it.. Ok?

As it is, Im going out tonight. And it is a good bloody job. Otherwise, I may start smashing things up here.. Agh!! xx

I speak to my friends at work and I wonder what their partners look like. What kind of types look wise and personality that they would go for etc. All of the time, I am surprised with the results when I get to meet them as they are usually nothing like I had imagined. I truly believe that there is a match out there for everyone. Every person has a soul mate. But there really is no accounting for taste. What one person finds gorgeous, another person thinks is a horror and vice versa.

I wonder how many people out there have found their soul mate. How many plod along with someone who they lost the spark with a few months after meeting them but who theyre comfortable with, thinking that the world has nothing more to offer.

Ive seen the kind of people who have met their soul mates. They are the ones that eyes light up whenever they mention their partners even though they have been together for 20 years.

Unfortunately, there are not many relationships like that around anymore. Maybe its more a type of person rather than a type of relationship that makes it into the "lovers foreverly matched" category.

I sure hope I meet my match. Someone who compliments all of my little quirks and someone who Is the first person I think of in the morning, the last person I think of at night and the love that I dream of in between. He will be the one who makes my eyes sparkle. As a wise man once said, Its all in the eyes baby xxx

I am not sure whether it is over use, under use or generally that someone somewhere has got a voodoo cock doll of me, but today my knackers feel like someones been using them as a punch bag. I am the walking wounded and very few people seem to be giving me the sympathy that I require. (Pointing and laughing does not count!!) Ive googled bollock cancer, tumours, twisted tubes and tight pants but am still non the wiser to what is causing me so much discomfort.. Ah well, watch this space!

It is a friends birthday today and so we may be going out for a drink or two tonight. I say a drink or two.. I mean a drink or eighteen as it will be £1.60 a drink all night! Ive been quite looking forward to it this week but the bad balls may prevent me from attending!

It has been heard on the grapevine that my laptop has now been repaired and should be on its way back to my friend today. If so, Im going to be nipping up to Stoke this Sunday to grab it...and if it still doesnt work, im going to take it to the place that sold it me and smash it over someones head.

xx

Words learnt on our spanish lesson yesterday:-

Lollipop Lady:- Not, as Bertie thought, a lady that gives out lolly pops (unless of course there is a kind lady giving out lollies!) but a woman that crosses children across the road near schools and seems to be every drivers wish to run over...

Wheely Bin:- A trash can with wheels! (Note:- Bertie needs to be careful that he doesnt pronounce it willy bin.. this could cause problems if he is out in a gay club.. "Oh my god, I saw a very big willy bin the other day..." or "Would u like to take a look at my willy bin?"  WHEEEELY BERTIE... WHEEEEEEELY!!!

Minger:- Bertie had heard of this word earlier in the week but I clarified its meaning.  I told him it was a similar word to vile only it would usually be used against a person who is very dirty or very ugly.. EG:- Oh my Jesus Christ, What a minger.."  I told him that if he would like to refer to an item/inanimate object he can use "minging" E.G "My God, that house is minging!"

 Im quite a good teacher if I do say so myself!! Still no further on the Spanish but I can say "hola" like I mean it now!

Still no fecking net at home.. Im getting sick of trying it now so am just going to assume that it will right itself in a day or two!

 Xxxx

The net is still down at home so apologies if Ive been a little slack (ooo err).. BT are looking into it at the moment so I am hoping that by the weekend, the issue will have been resolved. I fully intend on blogging properly very soon but for now am having to just have a quick waffle in breaks!

I did a friends only post yesterday and vented off a lot of frustration about my current life situation. Happily, it would appear that by 17th Feb, all my current "niggles" will be sorted! Onwards and upwards baby!! xxxx

XxxXxxXxxX

Bad uncle Adie!!
Last night me and Jamie went out to the club in Stoke On Trent. It is so empty compared to how it used to be. While out, I thought I would take a spot of gay literature for perusal when I got home. How shocked I was, when I got in Jamies car to come home and had a flick through to just see various gay porn photos staring back at me. Unfortunately, it would appear that this was about as good as "gay literature" gets in Stoke. I took it into my mums and threw it on the sofa. I completely forgot about it.

This morning my mum made Jaya some breakfast and walked in to find her lying on her front flicking through the magazine "oohing" and "ahhing.."

Im never going to win "uncle of the year" at this rate!!

I originally typed the above yesterday but for some reason it did not post! I am without internet connection where I am lodging at the moment. I am not sure what is wrong or when it will be sorted but am hoping to have a word with my landlord when I get in to see whether he can call to get it resolved!
xxx

Tonight on the way back from seeing Sweeney Todd, I asked my sister how she thinks she would feel if I told her I wanted to be a woman... I hastily pointed out that apart from when I was very young, strutting around on red nose day school fancy dress parties calling myself lindsay, Ive never thought about having my man breasts extended and giblits turned inside out. However, she surprised me with her answer. She said that although it would be a shock and she couldnt rightly say exactly how she would feel if I made a decision like that, she would kinda see herself as a role model for me. Just another reason that I know I have the best family in the world that I could spring anything on. But nah, im happy as a man..for now.. Muahahah!

It has been nice to get to my mums this afternoon and get some things off my chest regarding my relationship break up, the bit in between and life afterwards. There is always a certain difference telling a friend something compared to telling your own mother. I talked it out and although Ive been worrying about money and various other crap all day, I now feel 100% relaxed.. Thumbs up to the Dame Kazduck!! She has still "got it" after all these years!

Me and Bev went to watch Sweeney Todd today. I quite enjoyed it which surprised me seeing as it was a bit gorey. (I am very disneyfied so dont do gore!) I found myself hiding behind my hands a few times but other than that it was quite enjoyable! xxx

I am typing this as I am travelling from Coventry to Stoke On Trent on my 18 minute late Virgin Train.  Usually I can find a wireless network but nothing is showing as detected... I trekked long and hard down the train for a seat with a plug and eventually managed to spot one but when I have come to plug in my laptop/new and sexy mobile phone, it doesnt bloody work! Now alls I need to go and do is buy a gammy Virgin Trains sandwich for about 8 quid and I think Virgin will have well and truly shit on me.  Im toying with writing letters complaining about the service to Jim'll fix it, (cos he will fix it... wont he??)
Estha Ranson (good old Estha) and watchdog (just for good measure..)

I went out last night and got absolutely trollied. However, Im feeling really good today all things considered. Im excited about seeing my family again as its been 3 weeks since I left after Christmas and SOOoOOOooOOo much has happened since then! It will be good to have a catch up!

Speaking of which, I saw a girl out last night who is a friend of Andrews best mate Richie. Granted that I only ever went out with her once or twice and she wasnt exactly my favourite person in the world, but she completely blanked me last night when I said hello to her. (im not actually sure I said hello but I acknowledged her with a nod and smile or something to which I got a "why have u raped my dog" stare back..) Ah well, she was on crutches anyway, if she gives me any trouble Ill knock 'em from underneath her! HA!

My spanish lesson went really well.. I taught him the word "parsley" and "vile." (also showing him the facial expression to pull when saying it!) He also taught me some english too.. Did u know that decline is not just to refuse something? It is also something to do with grammar and punctuation.. Ooo err!! He is a really lovely guy and I will hopefully be seeing him again soon. He kept telling me that I was "guapo?" (not sure Ive spelt that right...) he says that it is a good thing but it wouldnt surprise me if it translated to "twat" or something similar! Ah well! Ill post photos shortly!

I have decided that I am not going to go out and get drunk tomorrow night. Reason one is that I have no money, and reason two is that I dont want to spend all weekend on a bloody train! Instead, me and Jamie are going to go out for something to eat and be all civilised! Oooh!

I received a summons from Miss Natalie Rowbottom (my only lesbian friend).. It states that if I do not "clean up" a matter within 5 working days then our friendship will be terminated with immediate effect. I would like to issue this statement on my behalf... (cos I aint got a secretary that can do it for me..) *ahem*:-

"Although last Thursday, the lipstick lesbian that came out with us was indeed very beautiful, she was not a smidgen on Miss Rowbottom. There is nobody else in this land that can look as beautiful in a pair of rockports as her. I was also informed last night by a reliable source that the lipstick lesbian is a munter without her makeup. I have personally seen Miss Rowbottom after a extremely heavy night and apart from the black eyes, scratches and police cautions attached to her belt she does indeed radiate
a natural glow of beauty that could never be compared to that of any other hairy lipped lesbian this side of the universe! As well as oozing sex appeal she is also a very funny lesbian and always brings a smile to my lips when she calls me an aids ridden dirty gay! (I even laughed as I typed that!) I would also like to thank her for some of my finest sexual conquests... I do it only so that I can go back and make her heave with the details.. I think she will agree that she has more than got her own back though!!!"

xxx

Ignore what I just said.. I still love vodafone.. they have credited it me back as their mistake! Phew! x

Payments and other activities for account no. xxxxxxxxxxxx
Description Amount
Previous balance £9.51
Previous payments CR £9.51
Additional charges £411.25
Overdue balance £411.25

Just as I had started raving how good they were too....

Grr *twitch*

xx

I had previously booked today and tomorrow off for Andrews birthday. Even though obviously I am no longer a piece in that jigaw, I decided to keep the days off. It has been a difficult month or so and after the events over Christmas and new year, I just need a bit of a rest. So, Im going to stay in Coventry today and then get my arse up to Stoke On Trent to see my family!! I was going to go out this weekend but the more I think about it, the more Im not sure it is a good idea. At the moment, I need to be seeing how I go on with money rather than spending then starving!

I am meeting a friend later today for drinks. He is spanish and has not been in Coventry for long. I am looking forward to it as he is learning english and its one thing that I am good at! I have told him that he will go back to Spain speaking like Robbie Williams!

xx

I think I have mentioned before that where I work, there are around 12 flights of stairs up to my floor. It is not an easy stretch, especially in the morning when you are about as energetic as a snail munching on a big bowl of lettuce. Going up the stairs is a trek and you always know when someone has done the journey because as they enter the door they are the ones on the verge of having an asthma attack. (I do it every morning and people still find it amusing that I cant talk for the first 5 minutes after arriving!) However, walking down the stairs is about as simple as it gets.. I skip down at the end of the day and it beats the lift that is in use by a good 30 seconds or so. Still however, there are many people here that would prefer to wait a good few minutes for the lift from the top floor to the bottom. I was stood talking to someone on my break today and they had just missed the lift and so waited for it to go all the way to the bottom floor and all the way back up! (with stops in between..) Is it just me that thinks that is absolute bone idol?!!?

The nokia was received and opened last night. It is like a completely different phone to the N95 and I am more than impressed with it!! Me and Jasey spent last night downloading childrens theme tunes that we could have as our ring tones... These included:-

Poddington Peas - "Down at the bottom of the garden.. among the birds and the bees... "
Ducktales - We downloaded the netherlands version of thing to start with which had me rolling around laughing when listening back to it..
Gummie Bears - Oh yes. The gummie bears.. they bounce here and there and everywhere you know?
Fraggle rock:- Not as good as I remembered...
Chipmunks - Nothing to do with the launch of the movie.. I just remember I used to jump up and down singing the theme tune when my vocal range could match theirs!
Denver the last dinosaur:- Alot cooler than I remember it! Ive found myself singing it out loud today in the office.. Im getting strange looks but I cant help it!
The racoons theme "run to us" - this is slowly but surely turning into my "single anthem"... Im not sure why but I was dancing around to it in my room this morning and it just gave me that "feel good factor.." (gone are the days when Britneys "stronger" was my freedom song!)
inspector gadget:- Another disappointment there unfortunately..
the flintstones:- Again, not very catchy anymore...
Captain planet:- a good one but a little dull..
Thundercats:- Takes a bit of getting going but good once it kicks in...

Has anyone got any more ideas?!?! the only one we have thought of since is "sharky and george" but Im yet to find it!

My phone also came pre loaded with Spiderman 3.. I havent seen that yet so am going to link it up to my TV or something!!

Have a great day everyone!xxx

ok, Im on a break at work. Last night I had hardly any sleep because I was up during the night chattering away to my newly found friend! When I got into work, I felt quite awake and even a bit of a jolly mood. That was for the first half of the day where I had a fun lovely course. This afternoon, as soon as I have come out to go on the phones, my chin has hit the desk and the soothing sound of my monotone voice on the phone to customers is sending me to sleep! *note to self.. Must get more boo boos time tonight!!* I keep on having to move myself from a 180 degree angle back into the sitting upright position!

Tonight, I get my new Nokia N96 8 gig black. I will update with first thoughts of the phone when the slippery sucker arrives in my sticky paws. Im going to make a mental note to myself not to talk in the bath on it...It has been such a nightmare getting texts from people whos numbers are no longer in my phone due to mass number loss when my phone went bang.. The replies I get are either those that are offended that I have "deleted their number" or people who want to play "guess who I am" for half a day. Grrr! *twitch*

xxx

Last week I had several calls monitored at work. I thought that I had completely messed them up but when it came to my meeting on Friday my team leader has told me that she thinks I am doing extremely well, she has no worries, she could listen to me on the phone all day because Im so nice and that she has been telling any manager who will listen that she doesnt want me to get bored and leave.

So thats good, yeah??

Ive been thinking a lot this weekend about been my dads best man. Im going to have to start getting my arse in gear with everything and so over the next couple of weekends am going to speak to him and get some initial details down. (i even have a dedicated note pad ready..) The thing I am most worried about it giving out a speech. My fathers side of the family are renowned for their speeches and my dad was particulary fantastic at my sisters wedding, even if I do say so myself. However, I dont possess the same gift and have difficulty standing up in a crowded room and delivering (unless of course Im having sex, which is fine... just for the faint hearted/elderly/mum, that is a joke!) Luckily, I have friends and family that are going to help me through it and Im sure between us we can conjour something up!! :-)

Im going round a new friends house tonight after work. Im yet to see his house but have seen photos and it looks rather posh. Better not wear socks with holes in because Im sure Ill be having to take my shoes off!

xxx

Me and Jason have just ordered one each... I ruined my N95 at Christmas in the bath... (oops!) Vodafone are doing me a deal as long as I take some insurance out with it this time! :-P I think it is because my spend has been so high over the last few months! We had a look on ebay and the cheapest one that we could find was £369.00 from Hong Kong! We got a far better deal and the phone looks absolutely amazing!! We will update on Tuesday when we have the handset in our paws!

In other news, I have presented Jasey with his birthday presents this morning and he seems rather pleased with them! I do keep hinting about wanting a piece of birthday cake but I think its too early at the moment for anyone else! xxx

Since I have been in coventry, I have had two jobs. in both of the places toilets, there have been an assortment of bogeys wiped on the walls. Is this a Coventry thing because Ive never seen anything like it, even in Stoke-On-Trent! If any Coventry-arians read this, please let me know if it is a secret cult that I need to join!

Last night, I got home from work and was that tired that I fell asleep on the bed for 2 hours. When I woke up, I had a message on my MSN from a friend asking if I would like to go out. At first I said no because I had a bit of a muzzy head and then I thought about it and wondered if I could "budget" the night. When he asked me again I asked if he reckoned I could go on a night out with £18.00. He said he was positive that I could and so I agreed to go out. After having a few glasses of wine around his house, we ordered a taxi and went to the local puff parlour (rainbows in coventry) where it was only £1.60 for a drink all night. I admit, he did end up paying for a lot more than I did and he wouldnt take any money for taxis but I ended up spending just £10.00 and had the best night out that I can remember. The highlight of my night was a spice girls medley that was played. Ive realised that it is the only song that I will get up and dance to even if Im sober...

Ill tell you something though.. My mates friends were absolutely lovely! My history with lesbians has not always been too great. The only one Ive ever really clicked with is my friend Natt from Chester who I speak to all the time. When he told me we were going to meet his lesbian friends, I expected 3 skin heads in rockports and more facial hair than myself calling me "mate" and spitting on me all night. However, there was a girl called Mayme (im not sure how u spell it) who was a right laugh, a girl named Sam who I believe was the protector (ie... beat up anyone who picked on us..) and the most beautiful lesbian I have ever clapped my eyes on called Anya... She was sooo pweddy that even I was pondering over whether she would let me "slip her one"...

All in all a really really great night!! And Im going to leicester this weekend for Jaseys birthday! Ill update shortly!

Oh yeah, and my new shoes keep trumping when im walking. Im getting all sorts of stares...
xxx

I have been invited around to a colleagues and his husbands house for something to eat after work on 30th January. (I kid you not - gays - that are married - AND he adores him.. AND they have been together about 200 years!!!) While having a conversation with him, I realised how easy pleased I was when it came to food... he asked whether there was much that I didnt like. I told him that I was not much for sea food but even if he made me a big fat dish of paella I would still eat it. If the truth is told, Id probably even yum yum my way through the mass of fishy mounds of eyeballs and organs and tell him how it was the nicest paella Ive ever had... not necessarily a lie as I have never been unlucky enough to try it. When he asked me what I liked to drink, I told absolutely anything. He sprouted off a few fine wines and I ooh and ahh'd my way through them saying that any would be simply marvellous! (as ive probably only ever tried about 7 different types in my life and my favourite is called concorde and costs about 1.70 a bottle!) Honestly though? My "love" at the moment is soda water.. I went to a bar last night and asked for it. I was shocked when the bar person looked at me like I was the biggest tramp in the world. I realised when I paid for the other drinks that the soda water was free. Apparantly it is just carbonated water.. How was I to bloody know?!? Id quite happily pay for it anyhoo!

I went to see P.S I love you last night. It was quite a good film although didnt come close to the book that I sat sobbing at during my gym sessions! I had decided to have a hot dog for my dinner while I was there and it was really nice... apart from the mould growing on the bread... and the hot dog that had been spinning around the counter for so long that it was practically gathering dust.. Oh and the price.. 6 ENGLISH POUND! Apart from that, it was lovely.. Made sure I bloody ate it. Beggars cant be choosers nowadays!!

I somtimes kinda wish I was just a little bit classy. xx

xx

I am up and down like a yo-yo at the moment but I suppose that is how break ups go. Certain things and certain people havent been helping over the last week or two with this and so I made an executive decision of "fecking them off.." Most would say, quite rightly so. Anyway, today is an up day which has got to be better than yesterday when i felt as if I was capable of murder at some points during the day!

I think I have now got everything in place to sort myself out over the next few months. After that, I am going to make a definite decision on whether I should stay here in coventry or move back to Stoke On Trent.

For those that are concerned as I know there may be a couple, Drew is doing well after the split. He is going to be practising on his Nintendo Wii and promises me that I will be whooped by him in months to come. We just need a bit of time to find our feet again I think.

Xxxx

At work yesterday, I was skipping along on my way to the loo whistling "part of your world" from the little mermaid...

Que a big hairy brute who I have never met before pointing at me...

"why are u whistling a song from the little mermaid...hahaha" (as loud as he can..)

"Why do YOU know its a song from the little mermaid I replied...MAHAHAHA!! (as loud as I could..)

Dont fuck with me when it comes to Disney... You just cant win!

xx