Just thought I would comment on a comment I got from lledeb on my last post about gawping at andy through the night :-

"I dont think it makes you like a stalker because you like to look at the person next to you in bed., when I first met my wife i used to be like that, thinking how can somebody so perfect be laying here next to me. I used to tell myself to make the most of her because sooner or later she would come to her senses.

I still wait for that to happen."

Y'see, this is exactly how I am feeling at the moment. I am making the most of our time together because somewhere deep down inside me, I feel like nothing this good could ever happen to me.. but it is..

I spoke to Bev and asked her if she has ever felt this way and she said the only person she has is with Quinton her husband... she said that even when they were apart when she saw him she thought he was "phwoar" even though at the same time she wanted to punch him in the knackers... And they have been together for almost 10 years if my mind serves me correct?

Maybe it is all just about meeting someone who feels exactly the same way about u as u do them? That is when the click will happen and thats when you get the fireworks.. The very fireworks im getting every time I look at andy.. every time I think of him.. every time he texts me, emails me...its crazy! He has not once disappointed me yet and I have never ever felt this way about someone in my life!

I feel for people who stay with someone because of security, kids, circumstances or just because they are scared to jump. Luckily, although I tried the whole "been with someone because they love me and Ive got security", Ive always been pretty stubborn and something inside me is failing to settle for anything less than "the one". Id rather be a pauper and in love.  But everyone should have this feeling at some point during their life.. Its amazing.. Makes all the shit in life worth it!

I remember when I was with Adrian my ex, I used to wake up with him looking at me.. Only now do I understand what he was feeling and why he did it.. and that maybe he wasnt about to grab the curtain rail to whack me over the head with! ;)

 Dont get me wrong, there is a long way to go and Im sure that the road is certainly not going to be of the "yellow brick" variety... in fact, it will probably be full of turds at every corner... But Im sure hes going to be worth it... Unless i find out that hes a big axe murderer or something.. that could darken things a lil...

 Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and shouted.. "Whats the harmonized code for.... Ooh, im still asleep.." I think this training may be taking its toll on my life! ;)

 im sorry that alls I keep talking about is Andy at the moment.. its all thats going through my head though and everything else is seeming completely irrelevant...

Oh, and im going to start looking for another job I think.. I want a rather large rise in wages and I think Its about time I took a leap and tried to aim a little higher... Ive always been good at what i do so its time to up my game!!

xxxxx