So, Andys parents have been really good and taken us both back into their home. And things are great there. Work have been brilliant and are trying to give me as early shifts as possible so that I dont have to trek an hour and a half on a bus to get to work. And money wise, apart from maybe been taken to court for £1575.00, I should be better off than ever. But this is not the case unfortunately. Every day, I am waking up with a headache and keep finding myself feeling really really unhappy about the general direction in which my life seems to be headed. Things have also been strained between me and Andy since all the shit last week, with moving in together and then moving out together etc.

I am getting so sidetracked with everything that I am not paying any attention at work and am having to ask customers to repeat themselves 20 times... At this rate Ill be lucky to have the job im in, let alone get the promotion thats going.

I need to get a grip. Theres just a constant big lump in my stomach that I cant seem to fill at the moment.. Im having a good go with take aways and junk food but I think ill feel better after going to see my family this weekend.

xxxx

I seriously wonder sometimes if Im riddled with bad luck. My path in life seems to be 2 steps forward - 500 back and then a couple of hops on the spot just to take the piss. Maybe we make our own luck and I just keep making the wrong decisions. I have been seriously toying with the idea about going back to where all the disaster began. Back home. Stoke. If it wasnt for Andy, I would have gone by now.

My luck better start taking a turn for the better soon, cos I aint half pissed off lately! xxx

Is it me or are gingers taking over Eastenders. Ive not got a problem with it. I happen to think that Bradley is quite the looker. But it was just something that my betrothed pointed out today. You have got:-

Bianca - One of the original gingers, and the best... although she seems to have come back to Walford a lot more chavvy than when she left which is a little offensive. Brought with her ginger children to add to the ginger numbers.

Bradley - Bless our little Bradders..

Max - I think the less said on this chap the better. A red head that had lots of beautiful women throwing themselves at him. Must have big cock.

The arguable gingers...(or the closets..)

Sean Slater:- Maybe not strawberry blonde but there is definitely ginger in his roots there! Again, a good looking bloke.. if a bit frigging nasty!

Ian Beale:- Was definitely ginger when he was younger but seems to be a mousy mop of mousey ginger mouse now.

Gary:- Mintys side kick.. again, I believe when he first joined the walford clan, he was a gingery mouse...As he has got older.. more mouse, less ginger...

Phil Mitchell?! Definitely used to have a ginger beard... Suspect that as a child, may have been ginger...

Ben:- Phils son... definitely some ginger there...

Theyre taking over... Taking over I tell theee!!!!!]

Keep the ginger gene strong!!!! xxx
xxxx

Sean

This post is not for those easily offended...

Fuck fuck bollocks and fuck!

I am staying at Andys mum and dads at the moment. The studio apartment went tits up! Partly through my own fault and partly through the guy who was letting it out been a homophobic born again (bastard) Christian. Im all for living and let living but this man is nothing short of a prize cunt.

Aside from banning Andy from stepping foot on the property and making a verbal agreement with me before backing out of it once I had moved all of my belongings out of the apartment, he has also spoke to me from day one of him realising that I was gay like I am something on his shoe. To keep the peace, I had been keeping quiet and biting my tongue. That was until Friday afternoon, where I quite confidently wiped the floor with the muppet when he rang me for his daily threatage and general bastardness. I had Andy in the background giving me the thumbs up through it all and he is the king of arguing on the phone, so I figured I did quite well.

To cut a long story short, I think that now he may be taking me to court for 3 months rent but I have sought legal advice (part of my works benefit package!) and after his threatening calls and banning my better half from stepping on the property, plus breaking a verbal agreement after I moved out of the property to whom I had two people witness, I have a good case for discimination if he does take this any further.

Hoo fuckin rah... Its any wonder my hairs falling out!! xxx

I dont want to go into work today.

Let me rephrase... I REALLY dont wanna go into work today.

Its like fucking Groundhog day...

The same customers... with the same questions... and the same arguments when I answer their questions... who call me the same names if I cant give them what they want... and who think that customs charges are something that my company have plucked out of the sky as an extra charge to them. 

"Dear Mr Customer... Please Die... Lots of Love, Adrain..."

  Thank God for the few that every now and again, make my job worth while!

  Me and Andy went to Claires house (andys sister) for dinner last night. She did us steak, potatoes and peas with pepper sauce... It was absolutely gorgeous! We then went on to Andys house to grab his things for work and his mum and dad had left us a moving in card.  We opened it and they have given us £100.00 to spend on something for the apartment.  We were both welling up!  Very nice of them!

 Oh shite, just had a text from Beverley Anne.. Trouble in the camp! Ta tar for now!!
xx

Tonight, Me, Andy and his parents are going to an all you can eat chinese in Birmingham, shortly followed by the theatre to watch...*ahem* "The harder they come..."... The image instantly brought to my head is 80's porn featuring men with big moustaches saying things like "suck my rocket baby" and suchlike. However, it is something to do with Reggae.. based on some man who sings reggae and is famous... and some reggae music. I can cope with that. After all, I have an advantage straight away. Ive been to Jamaica.

"Yea mon..."

xxx

My lovely boyfriend and future Mr W bought me a bunch of roses, a card and the newly released "enchanted" on DVD on Monday. It was his thank you for paying for the hotel at the weekend and very unexpected! He is such a thoughtful little sausage! Gotta love him! We watched the DVD on Monday evening and it enjoyed it as much as I had in the cinema if not more. It is strange how that one childrens film changed the course of mylove life. After watching it at the cinema, I came out knowing that it was too early in life to be giving up on finding the fairy tale romance and realising that I should not settle just because I was with someone who was safe to be with and treated me well. Me and my ex split shortly afterwards.

It is bizarre how movies can mean so little to some people and yet so much to others. When I watched it with Andy, we were cuddled up in bed and every time something was said in the movie that had before made my heart sink wishing it was how I felt, it made my heart flutter with happiness because I now feel the same.

I truly think I have found my princess.. xxx

OK OK OK!!! .. Im going to apply for the bloody sales job where I work! I have had various people at work saying that I should and the woman that I sat with said that I was the teams favourite. Not that it matters what the team think as usually the manager chooses the underdog!  But im gonna.. and Im going to try my bloody hardest as well!  And as long as I dont lose out to a loser.. so to speak.. then Ill be happy to have got the experience and the bitterness from the interview!  There is one "loser" inparticular that I am referring to who is convinced that the job has his name on it and is making it quite known... Hes not a very nice guy, is a bit crap at what he does, and im hoping has a cat in hells chance... and I am pretty sure the managers all know this. (or at least I am praying that they do!)

Can someone please remove my soapbox now. Im finished... so to speak...

Famous last words...

xxxx

Big thank you to la_spice for the link to webshots!!

I did get a reply back from blog and unfortunately even on the premium membership, you are only allowed up to 1gig of space.. Which is fair enough I suppose but as I am nearing that anyway, im not going to upgrading for nothing...

By the way, the pics are me and andy, Shakespears next door neighbour, and the bed in our hotel (comfiest bed ever!! )
x
xxx

I am just sitting on my final break at work and pondering on whether someone has put a bastardo filter on my phone today. EVERY SINGLE PERSON that has rang through to me today has been giving me grief. I thought that yesterday was bad but today has just taken the piss. I wish I could refer to specific customers and relate back a conversation that would help me crack a smile but they really have gone over the shitto meter. (Apologies for my language but at present, I do not give a flying fuck.)

I am known for producing excellent call stats day in, day out. Today, I had the first "red" mark on my sheet. My average call time yesterday was 255 seconds.. way above the 220 second target.. Today, I suspect that it is going to be a similar story! People will start referring to me as "the one that has crap stats".. and then Ill get put on a Personal development plan and then get the sack.. All because of this filter that is diverting all the bastards and bastardettes to my phone line! Please, whoever has done this to me.. Take it away..it aint funny anymore!

Get. Me. Out. Of. HERE!!!!!!!!
xxxx

Aw.. My blooming pro account has expired.. Jeepers.

xxx

I hate it at work when folk are nasty to me. Im a sensitive soul and I take it personally when they shout at me. This is an excellent temperament at times for the role that I am in because I can relate to customers well and empathise with them where needed. However, it can completely backfire on me if:-

A.) I have a complete wanker on the other end of the phone.

or

B.) I am having a really bad day and have not got patience with the shitty customers that can usually be brought around to my way of thinking with a bit of charm.

Mix the two together, and the consequences can be lethal. The fact is that we all have bad days.. Today has been one for me. And I think one for a particulary nasty customer.

A lady rang me querying an invoice that she had recieved from my company. Let me relate the conversation back.

Bitchtroll from hell:- "Your accounts department requested that I send proof of repair via the shipper and I have sent this through.. So why you idiots have not contacted me is beyond comprehendable to me?"
Me:- *Made mental note to not apologise because she had non directly called me an idiot...* "What email address did you send it through to.."
Bitchtroll from hell:- *tuts* "YOUR email address!!"
Me:- "Oh, MY personal email address you mean?!"
Bitchtroll from hell:- *tuts again* "NOooOO I didnt say that did I?.."
Me:- "Then can I ask again which email address you sent this through to?"
Bitchtroll from hell:- *turns into speedy gonzales and recites the email address she sent it through to in 0.05 seconds flat.*
Me:- Ah right, Ill reopen the file for you then. *Adie does all required for the customer* "ok, then thats all done for you and someone will give you a call back to let you know why your email has not been actioned.. Ok? Take care, Bye..."
fucking bitchtroll from hell:- *as putting the phone down..*... "twat.."
Me:- *Goes back to the file and enters notes "please close.. opened in error.."

Dont fuck with me today...I just aint in the mood!!

 A customer then rang shortly after and said.. "hello there, we gave u a job to do..."  where I intercepted and said.. "Do u know what, I do wish you would..." Maybe this could be my new job seeking tactic!!  Luckily he saw the funny side!

Oh, and got a job interview next Thursday. Not sure I want the job and its miles away from where I live. Not really interested to be honest! xxxx

I have been in touch with a few old friends over the last couple of weeks. I have found out that a school friend of mine has been living in Coventry for the last few years and, courtesy of facebook I think we are going to meet up next week sometime for something to eat... or a drink.. or something! Either way, we have been texting each other and catching up on life. So much has happened in life since I last met her at school and part of the excitement is catching up and seeing where we have both ended up so far! Now I just need to tell her Im gay... Im kidding.. She has seen the video of me dancing miming into a vibrator on facebook. Safe to say, she knows im a gay...

It seems that no agencies whom I have sent my CV to is very interested in it. Work have been talking bollocks about the sales job coming up so I dont think Im going to go for that anymore. Yesterday for the first time I thought I may have had a fighting chance at getting it after a conversation that me and my manager had. However, today I have heard that 8 very experienced agents are going for it and that they have been bigging each person up the same as they have done me. It has probably already got someones name written on it anyway! Im not working here for them to take the piss and moving the goalposts. I was meant to be on a fast track scheme.. it aint very fast if you ask me! xxxx