A night time blog... Makes a change from a work time blog where I am rushing to get it all completed before my break ends. Had a strange night tonight.  Im not sure quite where it began but I think it was when I chatted to Andy (my ex Andy) and he told me that he had been made redundant from work. How much bad luck can one person have. First he splits with me (which obviously as he is only human would have devastated him..) then his gran dies whom he was really close to and which is simply awful, and then to add insult to what Id say is quite serious injury, he gets made redundant from his job. By the sounds of things, he has decided that enough is enough and is upping and going to Australia for a few months to chill out. After everything, I cant say I blame him. I think that started me on a bit of a downer.. and I got to thinking, at work I tend to be everyones play thing... I make people laugh, even when Im getting my hair off and preparing to throw the PC out of the window, they think I'm funny. I'm their little clown puppy dog... And then when I come home, after doing my weekly food shop, if im feeling a bit down then theres noone to make me smile, and to tickle my chin, and to ask me if I had a good day.  

 I got chatting to Dame Kazduck, my mum online, and we were talking about this and that... and I was telling her how I felt... People in Stoke only want me around nowadays when they want something from me. Family that I used to see several times a week only ever want me to visit if they need something doing. And I have come to the end of my tether with it all. When I am in Stoke-On-Trent, I am meant to be visiting the people that want me to be there and instead I find myself sometimes running around after people who any other time would not want me there. So I made an executive decision tonight that they can all fuck off for a bit...

I also told my mum that one of the things I want is for her to be happy... More than I want myself to be happy and as much as I want my immediate family i.e. my dad and my sister to be happy.  My family mean the world to me, even though we are not with each other every day and I'd love to think that my mum will meet someone else who she falls in love with, as my dad has been lucky enough to.  I know there will always be a barrier between my mum and my dad and I dont think that it will be at very least softened until my mum meets her prince. And I believe that he is out there for her.  I just wanted her to know that I do believe he is out there as we spend so much time joking around with her that she will never meet her match and I am probably one of the ones most to blame for this. I also wanted her to know, that even though we say it every time we speak and every time I am online with her, that I love her and it was at this point that I got more than a little bit teary.  But anyway, there is someone for everyone... its just a case of whether the fuckers are hiding...

  so thats all i wanted to say really... Bit of rant for me and I'll be genuinely surprised if anyone other than the 3 people I know ready this actually get to the bottom of it.. But if so, thanks for reading guys.. And good night, god bless, from Halmerend Club.
xxx