Do you ever do something, thinking that your proving how reliable, loyal and lovely you are, thinking that you are hiding absolutely nothing ... and then stumble across something that gives you that  *oh fuck me sideways, my heart is in my mouth, oh my Jesus bloody Christ will the ground not swallow me up* feeling when you realise that you have actually just revealed something that you shouldn't have, surprising both yourself and your lesbian lifetime lover sitting to your left...

I did that. Last night. And the cause? Me and Richard.

  It was back when I first met Sean, within the first couple of weeks. When we were dating, I got the impression that me and him were going to take things slow, mainly due to my recent split with Andy and what I misread as Seans severe love of the scene and all things "gay and single.."... I could never have imagined that we would be where we are now and that I would feel as strong for him as I now do, and this is my only defence...

 I basically bragged to Richard about Sean and about him been the best looking person that I had dated, but there was also a bit of flirting in there. Nothing too terrible but just me basically jumping when he said jump and showing that I still was not over him at that time. Obviously when I was going through my emails showing Sean how trustworthy I could be, it was not what either of us wanted to come across and I was as surprised as him to find it.  I froze and was unsure what to do which Sean misread as me not caring.. and so eventually,  I did the only thing I could do and gave him a big cuddle.  We managed to talk it out eventually and by the end of the night, I managed to get him back on my side. My explanation only been that at the time I had the conversation with Richard, the spell was not broken. I can honestly say that is now, and as long as me and Sean are together, I dont think its a good idea me been in touch with someone that has hindered me so over the last few years.

 I am hoping that last night is the last time that Tricky Dicky will ever darken my door....Fingers crossed!

xxxx