I came out when I was 15, and can honestly say Ive never had a problem with homophobia or any bigot views. There have been people that have not liked me because of my sexuality, and Ive not liked them back because I have branded them shallow cocknoses. But, I have never really been made to feel as though I should be ashamed of the lifestyle that I choose to lead.

I have a few friends at work, some of whom I am fonder of than others. One person that I have always got on with is a particular guy... For the hell of it, lets call him Carl. He is a straight married guy with children but quite camp acting. He is in his 40's and is well known for his "ditzy, faffing, rushing around doing something and nothing" ways and his sometimes quite gossipy and bitchy comments. I should also mention he is one of the team leaders in our department. I have always got on ok with him and have stuck up for him when others would talk about him. "Well, hes always been alright with me" Id say. Boy, did that change when I decided to extend an invite to him for my civil partnership.

Because I was unsure on numbers for guests to invite, I decided that it might be best to invite the whole of my team to the evening party and also a selected number from the other section in our department. "Carl" was one of these people. My sexuality had never been an issue in discussion with him, and on the contrary, because the guy was quite feminine I didn't think for one moment that I may have offended him by extending an invite to him to celebrate with us. This rendered me all the more godsmacked when he took me to one side and told me that he would be unable to attend.

"Fine!" I stropped in a jokey way that people have come to know and love...
"Thats... Just... FIIIINE... N-n-n-oooo I understand.... Better people and parties to visit..." all done in a typical humourous diva strop way.
"Actually, no Adrian" He replied... "I wont be coming because I dont believe that what your doing is right..."

*Ouch!*

"oh... ok then..." I finally managed.
"I mean, I like you as a person, but marriage SHOULD be between a man and a woman.." He continued.
"But, its a civil partnership not a marriage... and its only really a party your been invited to.." at this point I was trying to justify myself.
"but, you see... it would be to celebrate...... *he hesitates*.... THAT."
"oh... oh... right..." was all I could manage.
"I mean, your a nice person and if you have a birthday party, then Id be sure to come along, but I wont come to this because I dont think its right.." were some of his last words although the whole lot is now somewhat of a blur...
"Oh, Im digging myself a hole now aren't I?" He finished... Yes "Carl"... yes you are.

*you wont be invited to ANY party of mine in future you fucking twat* was all I could think.

And do you know something, I dont think I have been made to feel so ashamed of myself. As a gay man, noone has ever made me feel so dirty for something that should be have been so innocent. And to make it worse, with his bitchy opinionated views, I get the feeling now that he actually enjoyed saying it to me and enjoys hurting peoples feelings in some ways.

I found out later that he had aired his view to a couple of other members of staff around the office. This did upset me, but more because I was afraid that others actually agreed with him. I didn't raise this with any management, and decided to just take it as a lesson learnt. However, when someone asked me about my partnership and I could see him in the vicinity, I got very self conscious and had only what I can describe as a wave of shame wash over me. I dismissed any questions thrown at me and kinda skulked off as quickly as I possibly could or quickly changed the subject.

It would seem that he didn't think he had offended me enough when late last week a collection went around for my civil partnership and when his block were asked for donations, he told the collector and anyone else that was listening that he wouldn't be giving any money, and again exactly why he wouldn't be and his views on the subject. Would it have killed him to just say "sorry, no." It happened that one of my good friends was the person doing the collection and she was so angry on the lecture that I managed to squeeze out of her what was wrong.

I sat and thought about it for about 15 minutes and then had the choice on whether to go over and deck him or go and speak to my manager. I decided to go into my managers office and for want of better words "threw a wobbly" about it. I think having not confronting this issue before, I already had some surpressed hurt to hurl, and boy did I! The goods news was that my manager was extremely supportive and I had the option of taking the whole thing to HR and making an official complaint. I have decided against this, so long as he is told not to air his unwanted views to other people (especially as the majority of the office are friends of mine that are coming to the celebrations) and to not come over for a piece of cake when I bring in goodies on my last day before our day. (cos he really does have the cheek to do something like that.) Whether or not anything will be said to him, I dont know - but I will making sure that he knows before the day as I dont want my last day at work ruining.

The support that I have received from my colleagues over all of this, has been absolutely fantastic. Hugs, words of reassurance and a bit of realisation that people actually do like me. It has made me think about things a bit more in depth. I realised, that one person in a group of around 30 was in danger of ruining my "pre partnership excitement chats" (which, lets be honest is one of the most exciting parts!) and that if he doesn't agree with what I am doing, it really is not my problem. Believe me, if it was something in my personality that he disliked, I would try and change. I hate the thought of offending! All I am doing is making a commitment to my partner and going through what is now a legal procedure for doing this. Sure, it would be lovely if I could have people there to celebrate with me, but ultimately, if there was just me, Sean and a few close family, it would be as special.

So, I made a decision. I'm going to laugh, joke, and tell people at work all about my wedding/my partnership/my civil ceremony.. whatever you want to call it... like I should be doing. I am not going to be ashamed of myself, and Im going to hold my head high and be proud.

Oh yeah, and for my religous friend:

“be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”

Forgiveness is the key to "all" happiness...

xxx